Patti
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Patti's Friends

  • David Heggi
  • Michael Smith
  • Sara Murphy
  • Anita Jeffery
 

Patti's Page

Latest Conversations

Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Happy Monday everyone....hope the weekend was good for everyone.  I decided to send out Christmas cards....I didn't do it last year but I was able to get my kids when we were together for Thanksgiving to take a nice photo...all dressed up…"
Monday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Christine:  Sending positive thoughts your way...I'm so sorry for the diagnosis.  I'll be thinking of you and praying for you."
Friday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Maryjane:  Joe never regained conscienceness once they put him on a ventalitor...they were transferring him in an ambulance to a hospital that specializes in saddle pulmonary embolism when he died the first time in the ambulance - I was in the…"
Friday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Mary Jane maybe you and I could trade a night....I just want a night of sleep.  A solid night of sleep....it hasn't happened in almost two years even when I medicate with pills to make me sleep it does the opposite.  My poor twin…"
Friday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Oh gosh....you have no idea how nice it is to know that I'm not the only one the doctor put on meds after Joe died.  As far as exhaustion....I haven't slept great since the day that he died.  I don't know if I ever…"
Thursday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"No, I wasn't the only one....but he spent a lot of time on my Joe.  There were about six of us...in a room of about 500 people.  Things he said were so amazing....but again I just don't know that I was ready for it....I remember…"
Thursday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Sara:  I too went and saw John Edwards last May in Buffalo.  Out of all the folks there he read me....it was so strange.  Good thing my sister was with me because I was sobbing that I honestly did not hear much of anything he…"
Thursday
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"The holidays seem to bring everything back and the fact that he is not here to celebrate with us....I don't know if any of you watch THIS IS US...but there was a scene a few weeks back where Rebecca was talking and she said something like…"
Dec 5
Michael Smith and Patti are now friends
Dec 4
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Mike:  As soon as I posted my comment I regretted using the work "easier" so accept my apology for that....I only say that there are days that I wonder....I'm sure all of you know exactly what I mean....I know many of you have…"
Dec 4
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"This is for David and Maryjane:  Thank you so much for addressing my response....I almost felt like I hadn't posted on this site in so long that I shouldn't have.  But I'm glad I did.  I was very cautious on the dating…"
Dec 4
Patti and David Heggi are now friends
Dec 4
Patti commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Hi all....it's been a while since I've posted....actually quite a while.  It's approaching two years quickly that my husband has been gone and so much has changed.  I almost in a sense want it all to slow down....but life…"
Dec 1
Patti updated their profile
Dec 1
Patti updated their profile photo
Dec 1

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At 10:31am on March 12, 2016, Sara Murphy said…

Patti,  I was reading a comment you left for Anita.  I can totally understand you wanting those few days back prior to his death.  My husband also went into cardiac arrest while in one of the best hospitals in the country.  I was in his room when it happened and it happened so quickly and then he was gone.  The doctors were not expecting any such thing however like you, if I had known he was going to die I would have done many things differently.  I already mentioned I feel cheated out of a final goodbye because of how quickly it happened.  If I had known, I would have taken a leave from work and spent every day/night in the hospital with him.  We can't get that time back so now I just talk to him and remind him everyday that I still love him and to wait for me to join him.  I hope we're both able to find the peace and strength we need to get through life without our soulmates.

Sara 

At 3:38pm on March 7, 2016, Anita Jeffery said…

I totally understand Patti.  It sounds like you did not expect your husband's death to happen?  I'm sorry, that's an awkward way to ask, had he been sick for some time?  I had the experience that no one ever wants, of hearing the doctor say, your husband is terminal, he might have a year, but that would be stretching it.  You experience a different type of grief, and then go into the caregiver mode...knowing you still have to deal with your loved ones death, and knowing that there are things you have to deal with and say before that happens.  Any way it happens is beyond what most of us think we can deal with.  As far as selling the house, I also felt I would do that.  However, my grief at first prevented me from dealing with it, and we had been in this house for 18 years.  Every single thing in it feels like a reminder, and I too understand how difficult that is.  We always chose all our furniture and pictures for our walls together.  We did tiling and built a deck, and numerous other DIY projects together.  However, after 14 months, I can say that I am comforted by most things about our home.  I may end up selling, but mainly because we created a beautiful, large backyard together, and I worry that it will be too much for me to manage.  Additionally, I live in snow country, and at 59, well shoveling snow is getting old.  I have also had the advice not to do anything about the house for at least a year.  I believe that because I feel my depression after my husband's death may have done me the favor of giving me time to really think about what is best to do.  In the meantime I have learned to do quite a few little fixes on my own, which has made me feel a little like I am capable of handling the house, and secondly, that my husband would be proud of me :-).   Everyone has different feelings of course, and we seem to be compelled to do whatever our minds and especially our hearts tell us to do.    Take care of yourself! 

At 3:09pm on March 7, 2016, Anita Jeffery said…

Hi Patti,  I sent you a friend request, which I hope you will accept.  I lost my husband to cancer on 12/28/14.  It still feels like yesterday much of the time, and after 14 months I still cry daily.  I bought a new bed 3 months after my husband passed away, and a new quilt, one I knew I would never have chosen for both of us.  I felt I needed to make the bed mine...I needed to accept that he was gone, and the bedroom was mine.  Since then, while I use both his old pillow and mine to sleep, it has become somewhat of a haven for me.  I feel that he's still with me when I'm there, and that I'm protected from everything in a place that we shared.  I know that he would approve.  I hope in time you find enough peace, and maybe comfort in being back in your bed.

Sending you comforting thoughts!

 
 
 

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