Hi Patti - I think part of it for me is that I had felt SO completely destroyed that I couldn't imagine ever being able to function again. So when I think I might feel 'okay' I think it can't really be happening. Not really guilt so much, but just amazement. but I guess the human spirit is an amazing thing and that we CAN heal somewhat from this. Not completely, not ever, and I will never be the same person I was before, but I just might get to 'OKAY'. I guess that's the best we can hope for. I have no other children, so there will be no weddings, grandchildren, etc. but my therapist keeps telling me there will be something else that comes along and fills a part of the void. I don't know if that is true, if it does happen I will be eternally grateful. If it doesn't I won't be too surprised. Keep you chin up - we are in this together!
Patti - you shouldn't feel inadequate - we all have the same feelings even if we occassionally are able to seem almost normal for a few moments. We are all broken, shattered, and unable to ever put all the pieces back together again. That's exactly how I describe myself. I will never be the same person I was. There will be parts of me that are similar, and parts that are missing. This site is a blessing because no matter how bad you feel, someone is here that can echo your feeling. And if you are not feeling quite so bad, maybe you can give a hand up to someone else.
My son was 24 when we lost him in January of 2010. I think of all of these handsome young men gone, and my heart breaks for each and every one of them, as well as each and every one of us.
I can honestly say that I know how you feel. My 30 year old son died in a motorcycle accident just 4 short months after your son passed. Roman was my youngest son and my middle child. I have an older son and a younger daughter. Acceptance will come when you're ready for it. I found out the hard way that eventually, we have to accept it, because not doing so will not change the situation. That does not mean we have to like it, though! Our children will forever be in our hearts. When my brother passed away 14 years ago, my Mom wrote a beautiful tribute to him. To snag some of her words....."I carried you under my heart for 9 months, and I will carry you IN my heart forever." Oh, how I cried!! It will be 5 years for me on Oct. 29.
If you ever need to talk on a one to one basis, email me. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. My phone # is 479-935-8285. Feel free to
call when you need to talk or just to vent. I'm here.
My son, Ryan passed away last Nov.17 from an aortic aneurysm. He lived in his own apartment, so he passed alone and my wife and I did not find him until Nov.18, one week before Thanksgiving.
It used to be that the holiday season helped me get through the bleak months of January and February but this year my family had a crappy holiday season and a very dismal winter. When I first found out, the pain was so deep that I really did not want to live with the pain. I came around knowing that my wife and remaining son needed me to step up and help them cope. My wife and I did not return to our jobs until February 1st and in some ways it's good and other days I wish I could just quit. Unfortunatley, I'm not wealthy, the bills need paid and so off to work I go. I know what you mean by our time on this earth is really just a blink in eternity. The bible states that one day in heaven is like 1000 yrs on earth. I feel that I can see my son again a matter of seconds in heaven time. He will not even miss us.
Thanks for your time. This site really helped and continues to help me heal. I hope you find this site as a great help to you.