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At 2:42pm on October 14, 2009, Peggy said…
Paula, There are no words to comfort you in this horrible time you are going through. I lost my younger brother just a little over a month ago and still cannot believe it. Do what feels good and right for you. I think you are making great steps in reaching out to ask others how they have / are dealing with this horrific loss. We all deal with grief differently. Some people journal, some people seek professional counseling, some people cry for days on end. Do what feels right to you - but know you are not CRAZY in feeling the way you do - know that time will numb the pain - but it will not heal it - know you are not alone in your sorrow and grief - and know you can always reach out - I am so sorry for your loss Paula - and I am sure you will think of your friend each and every day - for a very long time to come - there will be moments when you laugh at your memories and times when you cry because of them - or even become angry because your friend left and is not here to share your day with and all these feelings are your feelings and are OK to FEEL - Take care of yourself Paula - There is no set time on grief - and when things will feel "normal" again - Actually - I am not sure if there is ever a normal after such a loss - but it does get better - at least it has for me. I think of my brother every day - I still don't believe it is real - Some days are better than others - but it is better today than it was on September 5th -
At 10:07pm on October 8, 2009, Lisa said…
Paula there is also another good support group online called FFOS (Friends and family of suicide) Its a great support system
At 10:04pm on October 8, 2009, Lisa said…
Hi Paula
Ims so glad that you wrote back! You are where you should be. do all the things you are doing that comfort you. Like wearing something special and carrying the picture. I took my little brothers picture I had in an 8x10 frame everywhere I went for almost a year. I needed to do that. Do what feels good to you and do not tell yourself or let anyone tell you how long to grieve, that is your choice and your choice only. Some people would say to me its time to get over it. and I would say to them I will never get over it, I will learn to live with it and if they cant deal with that then they are not a friend. This is a raw pain that does come with many what if's and maybe if I did this...or why did he do this, why wasnt I there for him more.......I have accepted after 6 1/2 years of his being gone, that my dear brother just could not live life on lifes terms. It was too difficult for him and he tired out. I do know this, that he is safe in Gods arms, that he is my angel who watches over me and that nothing will ever change the fact that I love him with all my heart and I miss him dearly. Tell your story to anyone who will listen, because each time you tell it, it becomes real and it helps to face it. You can do this, with love and support, you can continue on with your life and can be greatful for all the memories. dont be afraid to ask for help. I had to go into the psych unit after Corey died because emotionally I was so overwhelmed that I tired my whole being out. Get meds if you need them to help with the anxiety and know that there are others who are dealing with the same thing, the same pain,the same questions. Glad to hear from you will keep you in my prayers!
At 11:54pm on October 6, 2009, Lisa said…
Paula, it has been six and a half years ago I lost my little brother (age 23) to suicide. The first days weeks and months are the hardest. Taking one step at a time and allowing yourself to feel even if its anxiety, and not allowing anyone to tell you to move on. Take life slow, cry when you need to and I can tell you its gets a little easier, but it will never go away, you will only learn to live your life accepting what has happened. I miss my brother soooooo very much! I think about him everyday. since then I have lost 3 friends to suicide. The pain is hard. and yes it feels like sometimes you cant breathe (thats the anxiety) Talk to people about your feelings as much as you can. I will keep you in my prayers. Lisa

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