My heart breaks with you, Rachel. We lost our youngest son, Michael, just a few days before Christams (Dec 13, 2009) Completely unexpected. I, too, had thought that he was finally getting help from the doctor but now I just don't know anything any more. I just know I hurt so much now, but for every person who comes to this site. Please know others do exactly know what you are feeling and going through. My faith used to be so strong but now I struggle even with that. Please know that I will hold you close in throughts and love and what prayers I can find for these next days. You are not alone.