Renee, I read your post to Alanna and read the part about your Father. My Father is not a nice person. My Mother died 11 years ago and he wasted no time in finding someone else and then began to belittle my Mother. He is a self centered person. After about 2 to 3 years after my Mother died, I just cut all contact with him. When Neal got sick someone told him and he called and wanted to come see Neal. I told him NO. If he could not be decent before Neal got sick, don't come now.

I don't understand why Neal had to die. He was a very good husband, Father, friend and just a very good person. Why Neal and not my Father? I try not to think that way but that is how I feel.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. HUGS

I do know it will get better for us, but it will take time. And time seems to stand still. It took me 9 1/2 years to get over my sons death and he didn't even reach 8 month old. So I know it is going to take even longer to get through my husbands death.We have been together for 14 years. so now we just have to learn to do things by ourselves... If you ever need to vent I am here... and so is my ear!!! 

I do know it will get better for us, but it will take time. And time seems to stand still. It took me 9 1/2 years to get over my sons death and he didn't even reach 8 month old. So I know it is going to take even longer to get through my husbands death.We have been together for 14 years. so now we just have to learn to do things by ourselves... If you ever need to vent I am here... and so is my ear!!! 

Thank you so much Renee! I am definitely feeling this site as being a blessing. I can relate to the counseling. I've tried several. I do talk with my Pastor and that definitely helps. As for being rational, we deserve to be a little unrational for what we've been dealt. People say I spend too much money or give too much out, but that is what I feel my husband would want. He always wanted to take care of others, so I am giving him that. If people don't like it or agree with it, oh well! They don't feel what I feel. I wish people would think before they speak though, because I feel like people think it's been 6 months, so we're allowed to give her a hard time and she'll be able to handle it. But definitely not the case. I have an extremely hard time with stress. It sets off all kinds of things.But I say we need to do what we feel is right, whether or not it is. It's our time to heal. I hope I gave you something back. God bless!

MY husband was in a fatal hit and run accident on Aug. 14,2010 he was pronounced brain dead on the 16th. We had 4 boys together which our second passed away when he was almost 8 months old. That was in 2001. Our oldest together was 4 at the time now he is almost 14 years old. It is very hard for us.My youngest boys are 7 and 8. They were very close to their dad.

 And to the people who say we should get over it, they can stick it... We will never get over it, we have to learn to deal with it in our own way. It took me 9 years to get over my sons death. I got a DUI cause I didnt know how to deal. And if it wasnt for that I would have never come to cope with it.

 The anti-depressents screw you up even more cause they mess with your head. And with the insurance I have it can stop at any time and have to stop the meds. cold turkey. That makes everything worse.

 Thanks for commenting back you have been the first person who has my exact emotions and feelings on certian things. You are dead on.

 And our 3rd son was also born on June 18. But in 2002. And our 2nd son passed away on June 23, 2001. We have alot in common.

 Sincerely, Chrystal

MY husband was in a fatal hit and run accident on Aug. 14,2010 he was pronounced brain dead on the 16th. We had 4 boys together which our second passed away when he was almost 8 months old. That was in 2001. Our oldest together was 4 at the time now he is almost 14 years old. It is very hard for us.My youngest boys are 7 and 8. They were very close to their dad.

 And to the people who say we should get over it, they can stick it... We will never get over it, we have to learn to deal with it in our own way. It took me 9 years to get over my sons death. I got a DUI cause I didnt know how to deal. And if it wasnt for that I would have never come to cope with it.

 The anti-depressents screw you up even more cause they mess with your head. And with the insurance I have it can stop at any time and have to stop the meds. cold turkey. That makes everything worse.

 Thanks for commenting back you have been the first person who has my exact emotions and feelings on certian things. You are dead on.

 And our 3rd son was also born on June 18. But in 2002. And our 2nd son passed away on June 23, 2001. We have alot in common.

 Sincerely, Chrystal

Renee,

Hi, I just read your post about sobbing at the cemetary on Christmas- I did too. On December 1st, I replaced the magnolia swag at the headstone with evergreens and a small cherub angel resting in them. Before I left town to spend the holidays with family, I went by and placed a candle my mother gave me out there that would stay lit only at night. I went back by on my way home and someone else had left a pot of poinsettia's at the foot of his grave. I feel so empty. I started to cry & had to leave because my daughter & granddaughter were in the truck waiting on me. I go & try to make it look nice there for anyone who may stop by, but I am so thankful to know that it is not truely his final resting place! I am certain that he is enjoying everlasting life in a city that knows no pain or sorrow & I long to join him there. I am praying that God will sustain & comfort you & yours. Christy

Renee, This is a long and hard road we are all on and I wish we did not have to be here. There are a lot of people here who understand what we are all going through so stay on here. The first two years I took cruises for the holidays. I have decided to stay home this year and I surprised myself at Thanksgiving. My children and grandchildren came and it was nice. I could feel my husband (David) with us. It will never be the same for any of us anymore but I am trying to remember the good times,cherish them and smile instead of crying. I have cried so much in the last 2 1/2 years that I am tired. Crying is good but have realized it will not bring David back and it only makes me so sick. This is the life that I have been dealt and I will try and go on until the day I can be with my soul mate. I also have wondered why good people die and the bad ones live. Such a waste. I hope you can find peace again for yourself and your children. It has not been that long for you. You will never stop loving him but I got help and it does get less intense and further apart. When I finally accepted that he will never come back is when I started to heal. It has taken me this long but I hope you heal faster. Take care and write when ever you feel like it. Jan

Welcome to the site,sorry for you loss. I will say that this site has been a great help to me .