Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What to Say

It’s hard not to think about my mom on Mother’s Day but this year, it would be impossible. Not only is it the day of the year that we honor our mothers but this year, Mother’s Day falls on my birthday, so it’s the day my mother gave birth to me.

So how am I remembering my mom? Lately, I’ve been thinking about her wisdom. How wise she was and what wonderful advice she gave. When I had a problem, she listened. In my younger days, she had a habit of telling me what to…

When expressing sympathy, isn’t thoughtful enough?

When someone dies, we express our sympathy by writing notes to the bereaved, hoping to provide some comfort. Many of us feel that if we write memorable notes, we’ll somehow make a difference. But all that pressure causes us to struggle, trying to find just the right words for a meaningful message.

If your goal is to write a memorable sympathy note, maybe you’re trying too hard. Think about what…

Words might be the best way to express condolences following a death and it’s the words that stay with us the longest. Unfortunately, it’s the negative words that the bereaved seem to remember, so think carefully before you speak.

One bereaved mom told me that she still remembers what a friend said, even though her baby died thirteen years ago. “She told me my baby was in a better place. How could she be in a better place when she should be here with me?”…

Years ago, it was easy to feel socially connected. You knew your neighbors and all the tradespeople. When you did your errands, people knew who you were and probably knew your family. When things got tough, word spread that someone in the community was sick, hospitalized, or died. When you moved throughout your day, people had an inkling of what was going on and asked about you and your family. Maybe someone mowed your lawn or shoveled your snow; casseroles appeared and you and…

When bad things happen, it can be hard to know what to say or do. So it’s not unusual that many of us struggle over what we’ll say and how we’ll say it. We might spend a great deal of time crafting written messages when communicating with those facing loss, carefully choosing the words to use and the method of delivery. Or we might compose verbal messages, hoping they will convey our heartfelt sympathy.

So what happens when you write appropriate messages or verbally…