thank you thank you prayers are being felt..............

Rory, its Tammy, Ashleigh's Mom, its been quite awhile since I have been on here, I am brought myself back from the brink of it all. I am checking up on you, I know better to ask if you are ok, when people ask me that, I say no I will never be ok, but I am here and I guess thats something. They are still searching for my Ashleigh;'s killers over a year and they have not caught the monsters yet, oh I am here and thats about all I can say.....

I'm just existing in this world. What ever I think will help me through this I do or say I have a care anymore. My family has fell apart my husband secretly cries sometimes he talk to me about Brandon, one son refused to talk to us because of the hurt and guilt due to the fact his girlfriend refused to let him talk to his brother the same day because she wanted all his attention, the oldest just won't say anything if the conversation comes up, I've been accused by them saying that I think Brandon was the only child I ad lots of hurtful stuff and I know it was due to the pain in their heart for their brother so I took it without getting into to heated discussion, it as and still is hell/hurt (if that's a word) I stopped going to church due to dumb statements and when I see them out whenever I go out I don't stop or have any conversation I wave and keep moving. The one that gets me is they tell me not to be angry God will take care of those who hurt us yea right I say well did not God get angry and threw them out of the church because they had turned it into a den of thieves misusing the place so why can't i be angry, I get no answer I walk away.
I just can't bring myself to go to the grave site that's the last thing on how I want to remember my son. I hate this.

I totally agree with you, If their in a better place why does the Word (bible) says honor thy mother and father and you will live a long life, If you confess my Word and believe in your heart you will have everlasting life,all that stuff in the bible has not showed my it is true, why give me a children to raise in the word then take it form me before they reach adulthood, how can they be in a better place when they were is the best place,placed with their parents.It's a Spiritual thing we're to believe in what we can't see but suffer for what we could see now we can't it is crazy mixed up and I don't want any part of no one sayings. Sorry to vent but I go off when I'm told that too, how the hell do you know it's a better place for my child (that's what I say) to the dumb statements.

I did go back to the doctor last Wednesday and they are saying that he had a 2 vessel umbilical cord. He showed me the ultrasounds I had during my pregnancy, and it looks like 3, which is normal and either way, that should have been caught, and had it been, there were things that could have been done to prevent my son from being stillborn.

I did go back to the doctor last Wednesday and they are saying that he had a 2 vessel umbilical cord. He showed me the ultrasounds I had during my pregnancy, and it looks like 3, which is normal and either way, that should have been caught, and had it been, there were things that could have been done to prevent my son from being stillborn.

tell your daughter to just try to remember the good times..it's not easy..my 1st mothers day with out caden was 2 weeks later and my older sons bday was only a few days after cadens death..it is so hard b/c there is nothing anybody can say or do to make it better,what gets me through is knowing that god is taking care of our kids