I just realized that we will both be suffering, even more than we usually do, on June 8th, because your son's birthday is June 8th and we lost Todd very early in the morning @ 1:06AM, on June 8th, 2009. Todd was born at 1:06AM on January 12, 1971. I cried thinking how he came into this world the exact time of day that he left it. Right now I'm in so much pain....I just miss him so much I can't stand it. Think I'll take my dog out for a walk. It's freezing out there but she's a Siberian Husky & loves the cold. Todd mostly loved cats but he came to love Ginger, probably because she reminded him of a wolf & he loved wolves. Actually, he loved all living creatures. Why would he die so young of pneumonia? His doctor didn't diagnose it when he went to her for help, yet the lawyers say she would win if the case went to court because she had the legal right to treat him "conservatively". No x-ray, no antibiotics, nothing.
Bless us all that we can keep going on for the sake of our families.
Roseann, I know what you mean about grief being so intense you think you won't make it, and then suddenly not feeling anything for awhile. The way I see it is that I would die from this much pain continuously, so my mind kind of shuts down and becomes numb. Then when I least expect it I'll remember something my son and I laughed about or places we went together and I'll be crying uncontrollably. Not only was he a wonderful son, he was my best friend, though I didn't know it till he was gone. To me these feelings are normal, whatever normal is since I lost my son.
I lost my father august 8 2010 and then my 17 year old son november 19th, sometime the grief is so unbearable that all I can do is hope I pass away soon my self, there are times that i can't look at my sons pictures or talk about him because the pain is so raw, then other times I love to talk about him and just look at all his pictures, I believe this is our mind doing whatever it has to do to survive, you going from intense grief to nothing I believe is your body knows you can't take much more, and is coping however it can.
Some says it gets easier some says it gets harder, I sure hope and pray it gets bearable, I know getting on this site and talking to people helps me more than anything else maybe it will help you also.
I understand what you are saying about going from intense grief to nothing & then back again. My youngest daughter Lisa died 18 months ago, 7 months later my oldest oldest daughter Linda died, both of cancer. It has been a roller coaster of feelings which I believe, from what I have read, is par for the course. I wish I could say something helpful but there are just no words for how we feel. That's why we call it grief I suppose. Everyone says it will become more bearable. I hope so.