Hi Stacey, please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. Yes it is time for you to grieve now because it's not good to harbor feeling of pain. I lost many people in my life but the biggest loss is my son Joe who was 42 years old 4 years 4 months and 2 days ago when he was taken by a drunk driver.
I'm wondering how old your children are and if they all still live with you at home. Everyone grieves differently and no one loves someone more or less whether they grieve for a year of 50 years. We all hurt and it appears that the one thing people say is why why did this happen? Another thing people often say is if only. If is such a big word and there are so many if only's. Hopefully, you can attend some type of bereavement group in the future to help you feel that you're not alone. Also I hope you registered on loss of a spouse. They also have a group here for suicide. You may benefit from both. People never judge and are here to lend a shoulder for others to lean on.
Take good care of yourself during this time when you have made a decision that it's time for you to grieve.