I hadn't been on for a while either. Now I find myself going back on sporadically. I have thought about you and your daughter often. Thanks for thinking of me and my Chad. As the year mark comes up on 9/4 it feels so surreal. It can't be that long since I lived, laughed and loved with my son. I miss that boy with every breath I take and with every cell that makes up my body. Someone once said "Our children are the precious gifts we leave behind for a time we will not see". I think those words are so true
and I don't understand why we are living each day without our babies. I would love to talk with you again. My home email is email@example.com. Chad's website is www.chadarthurholbrook.com. Please see his pictures and video if you can. How has time been for you? I hope you have found support (best they can) from those who love you. I am also on facebook. Lisa (Bjorkman) Holbrook. Thinking of you with much care and compassion. Lisa
Hi melissa your photo is beautiful. I don't have a photo on here It is a sad place to be. I really don't like to talk about the details of their death but find myself wondering why other peoples kids died like mine. It is a bad place to be I noticed no one has written you since april and all of you where on here before me. Why couldn't we be warned they were going to die. I am heartbroken. Carrie L
Thanks for the big warm "Maine" hug. Maine is a beautiful state. I live not to far away in the state of Massachusetts. My sister lives in Moultonboro, NH. My parents have a 2nd place there and my brother does as well. My husband, kids and I and one of the boys friends had just been on vacation two weeks before this happened. I have loved Lake Winnipesaukee for years, but don't know how I will visit there again. Not without Chad.
May I ask how old your beautiful Stefani was. She looks like a pretty blonde. My handsome blonde son definitely liked the ladies.
I know what you mean about grieving alone. I go to the cemetary every day to make sure everything is right so that if someone comes they know how loved this boy is and always will be.
I just feel angry sometimes that he was cheated out of all the plans he had. That is most important ... he wanted to get married someday, he wanted to buy his own truck, his own puppy, and, of course, most of all he wanted to be a dad. He hoped also to be a police officer someday.
I cannot believe; I just cannot believe that I won't be graced by his laugh, his smile, his anger if something wasn't going right. Chad was simple and uncomplicated. He told me he loved his life. He told me to "Mom, stop turning every moment into a Dr. Phil moment". He said "I could do that job, though, mom. I get life." And he truly did.
I hope to get to the top of that mountain at Acadia someday to honor and remember both my son and your daughter. The hurt of siblings and dads is so deep but I don't think there is any deeper love than between a mom and their child.
Thanks for listening and being my friend. Lisa (Chad's Mom)
You can always reach out to me and I promise I will listen and respond. My personal email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
As for how I am holding up .... I guess I just want each day to end, but then I am faced with a new one. I have been working on a golf tournament in honor of my son and a website which should be up soon. Sometimes I get so sick of working towards the next way to honor him when I all I want to do is HOLD him.
I think about you and your daughter and some other special moms/dads and their children that I have come to know a little bit through all of this. I don't even have to meet the person to connect with the love we all share for our children.
Please think of me and Chad and my family as tomorrow will be 6 months. How can that be? He filled this house with light and laughter. They all did the four of them. I never imagined, I never knew the pain. I wish I was still one of those who didn't know.
Your daughter's picture is beautiful as I know she is. Thanks for reaching out. It helps me. I hope it helps you.
Your description of where you live is so beautiful. May I ask what state you live in? Lisa
hi Melissa, I did not forget about you and Stefani. Your in my thoughts everyday. As I go into Morgan's birthday tomorrow the pain is becoming unbearable. Crying so bad already. Hope I make it. Take care, Larry
Yes, Milissa, you described it so well. The heartache of just wanting to be with your child again is so overwhelming. I was wondering ... could you tell me where you live. The way you described where you go to be with Stefani sounds so beautiful. I can envision the pastures and the soaring eagles. I can see the beauty in my mind thanks to your descriptive words. I, too, sometimes just don't want to be here anymore. I love Chad with a love that is beyond words, and I just don't want to do this life without him. For my family, I will. For the sake of what Chad believed though I will. This is what he wrote in his senior class journal a few months before he graduated in June. "Basketball is my favorite sportand if I could play forever I would. I love sports. I think theres nothin better to do. In my life sports comes first except for family". Chad had many friends and loved them all; he loved no one more than his family though.
If I had thought I could live a day without Chad or you a day without your precious daughter, we both would have said not in a millions years. Yet hear we both are. I am thinking of both of you tonight. Lisa
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts of Chad today.
Thinking of you and Stefani too. I'm finding out just how hard the holidays are. Thought Christmas would be the worst, but they all seem so hard. Took Valentines flowers to Morgan. They are silk. I live in northeast Pa. so I thought that would be best. I think I will take some real ones too. I had a dream Morgan asked me for a balloon. So a couple of days after we took the flowers, I went back with a Valentines day balloon and tied it there for her. It said I Love You! Then I had a vision that she was holding the balloon and smiling. Made me happy even if only for a moment. Take care, will keep you and Stefani in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
I did not see your reply until today. Isn't it funny that we have to wear a "mask" so other people don't feel bad or uncomfortable. Sometimes I want to say "you feel bad" trying walking in our shoes. But, you know, they don't have the capacity to "get it" because it is not there child. If I pull out of my driveway, I say "how many times did Chad do this", if I take a walk out back in the woods my mind says "how many times did Chad walk the same path", its every little thing, every second of each day. People who don't have to will never get that. I so too hate the comment "How are you". I finally spoke to my boss at work and told her to tell people hugs are fine but if you ask me in a public setting "how are you" you may not like the answer you receive. I will not feel forced to say "fine" or "good" when I am trying to survive each day. If someone wants to know how I am doing, they have to catch me in privately and ask; and I mean really ask ... and want to know the answer. I feel it is a disservice to my son any other way. Better yet, just once, I would like someone to say "so tell me about your son". Thanks for letting me vent, Melissa. And I do remember Stefani .... every day. Lisa