I am so very sorry for your loss that has brought you to this group. I found this family as I call them three years ago after losing my husband Larry to cancer. What I found here were people who made no judgements nor imposed any expectations. What was offered was unconditional understanding of my terrible loss, and a sincere desire to help me in any way possible to get through the most confusing and devastating time of my life.
I hope we will be able to help you now, and any sharing or questions you wish to post will be met with open ears and hearts I can promise you. For now I can only send my prayers and wishes that there is some measure of peace in your day today, and that you be gentle and patient with yourself.
What you are going through is enormous, will take some time to begin to see light ahead for yourself, and sadly will bring many tears. Please know that here with us you are not going through this alone - we are here with our support whenever you need us.