Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. Life is so precious, each moment, each second, and each day. Our loved one always will have a special place in our heart. Your loved one, will always be near and dear to your heart. Our cherished memories is a gift treasured by so many of us. I yearn to see my loved ones, I miss them so much. I occasionally wish that I can turn back the hand in times; perhaps do some things a little different - I think when we lose our loved one we all think like that.
I have maintained my outlook on seeing my loved one again by reading the Bible and believing what it says in regards to being able to see our loved one again. How I long for that day...as I miss my loved ones so very much.
I'm so happy to hear you're going to a grief counselor. As much as I love therapy I have put that off. It is very hard to lose family support. Finding someone that you can talk to, other than a therapist, is very helpful. The more you talk about what happened the better it gets.
You went through 2 traumas. One just having the man you love pass but the other was actually finding him. Learning how to deal and cope with those is important. I too was very, VERY angry with Bobby for leaving me behind. Let yourself be angry, cry, break something, yell, scream and vent. It does help.
My struggle I'm dealing with right now is I feel guilty for being happy and getting married. I will be wearing a necklace with some of his ashes so he is with me and in a sense marrying him also.
I've spoken with my fiance, Jared about this and he is on board and understanding. I'm so lucky to have someone supportive. I know it seems weird and no one would understand so I haven't told anyone else.
I also have this irrational fear that Jared will die before we can be married or shortly after. I think it's time to get back to therapy for a bit.
If you would like to talk more one on one I would love that. But only if you want and are ready.
I'm in Utah, where are you?
In my experience family can cause the worst pain. For some reason their comments cut to the bone. i can remember a thanksgiving get together with Melanie's family less than a month after she died. Her youngest brother made a joke about something she had said for years. I didn't think it was funny or appropriate and think about it every time I see him. I wanted to punch him in the mouth that day. I don't even like to be around my own family at times. the look in their eyes that says they still miss her. I am here if you want to talk.
Dear Susan ... My deepest condolences. I am sorry you have to join this grief session, but Legacy saved my life when my husband passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2011. No one judges another on this forum and we are all here to help. I hope you continue to come here. I am very happy you are going to grief counseling. I went also and felt the members there were the only ones that understood my pain.
I also said some words to my beloved husband out of frustration and he wasn't the type of man to complain to much. Of course, like you it left me with a lot of guilt, but then realized they have to reach out to us honestly and just sit down and discuss what is going on. It is not your fault! I do believe even if we don't realize we know that our loved one is not well, but human nature makes us want to believe everything is going to OK and this to shall pass. I know I was in denial and just kept going on in life with our regular routine, but eventually as my husband got worse I had to face reality.
Grief is a difficult journey to take and from my own experience over the years I learned to be more compassionate than ever and I also grew stronger from the experience. For those I love in my life be in family or friends I'm sure to tell them every so often how much I love them. I also learned as human beings we are not perfect and we don't always have control over what we would like to control. I am sure your beloved knew you loved him. I hope you trust me in saying that grief does dim to where we can have a life again, but we will never forget our loved one.
For now Susan just try to sleep as best you can and eat as well as you can, don't put to much pressure on yourself and know each day you get up if only to sit around is making you grow stronger each day. I hope you continue to come to Legacy so we can pick you up when you need to be. We are here for each other and when one falls we are surround by the angels on here. You are going to OK, you aren't going crazy and you will become stronger in time.
I also don't comment very much but I have to say that your story has touched me so very much. It reminds me of my situation. My fiance passed away just over 4 years ago and we had an argument, I had just told him that if he didn't get help with his alcoholism that I wouldn't marry him and he was very sick and passed in his sleep.
I still ask myself, why didn't I wake up, why didn't I know that he was sicker than he was. We were together for just shy of a year but he brought so much love and joy into my life. He taught me how a woman should be loved and treated.
He was only in my life for such a short time but the impact has been substantial!! I have cruel people that still ask me why I still grieve for him, why do I still have his picture up and think of him often and WHY do I still treat his children as my own.
I think these people don't know how one person can bring such love and joy into a person's life and then when so unexpectedly and so tragically ripped from you that it remains with you forever.
I am getting married to a wonderful man in April and I honestly believe that my Bobby put him in my path. He understands that I have so much love in my heart for both him and still for Bobby and that will never go away.
When I heard your story the pain came back again. The pain that you are feeling will ease with time. I hated when people would say that to me cause it doesn't make you feel better right now.
Your pain also lets you know how much you loved and cared for your sweetheart and I know without a doubt in my head that he knows how much you loved him!
I am sorry for your loss. You have found a good place here. I dont comment very often because my words seem to not make any sense when I try to write them. The people here are very supportive and helpful.