Your post grabbed. I lost both of my parents. My Mom in November of 2005 (two weeks before her 67th Birthday) and my Dad in April of 2008. Two weeks before his 67th Birthday. To fast and so young.
I walk my old dog every morning and I find solace in my walks. I have been learning to let go of the all the thoughts of some bad deeds I did. I can't change any of that.
When they passed, I had been clean from heroin since 2004. They both left this world knowing that I was finally okay and I promised them that I would never use again and I haven't.
They are with me. I can feel them. We have to remember that they went ahead of us and we will see them again. It is so hard when we lose one parent-but both??? Now that is a heavy load. Remember all the wondeful times and celebrate their life and not their death.
I hope you will find peace. Accepting and moving forward will give you a greater life!