Hello TKF,
Thankyou for your kind words of compassion and empathy...I am so sorry for your recent loss, a loss to you and your children.
I do wish that I had some good advice re: your question and your children being young teens of 15...
I didn't have any guidance or a way to cope with the loss of my Dad @ age 15 - he was an alcoholic by that time & his anger and depression were very visible...my parents were divorced when I was 13. The troubles began with alcohol and my mother became an acoholic as well...she died from that just under 2 yrs. after my Dad.
I do feel counseling is a real need and a real help - age 15 is so vulnerable...it sounds as if you did what most women do, trying to 'keep it all together' for the sake of the family but your comment about the situation being unhealthy is correct...I do believe the unhealthy/dysfunctional family situation is very detrimental for everyone. I know you will all heal from this in time but none of us ever forgets completely, it is something that happened as a part of our lives, forever.
It sounds as if you tried under the most difficult of circumstances to keep your family together and I'm certain the strength you showed under duress will mean a great deal to your children later.
Tragedy at any age is hurtful to our hearts and our minds...at a young age you can put it aside temporarily but it will come back again and again needing some kind of sense to be made of it all.
I feel pretty inadequate today in giving advice & I don't know if you are a believer or if you and your family go to church...I do know having God in my life has saved my sanity more than once.
It is only by God's grace I am even here...My first husband threatened to kill me so many times I cannot keep track, I lived in fear for more than 20 years of my life...he took his own life 3 years ago in front of his wife, I don't understand why he was allowed to leave so many lives and so much destruction behind...I think maybe my own son would be alive had he acted on that impulse many years ago...I know that sounds so wrong...I would rather have my own son alive, having the life he was cheated out of.
Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me - I'm just rambling as I feel I need to search my mind for real help for you and I am at a loss...I can only say to pray for his soul as a family forgive him and then remember each and every day that Life is for the Living...we only get ''One Life''...we need to make the best of what is ahead. Your family has many years ahead and as you heal just remember to be kind to one another, forgiving and aknowledge feelings, kept inside they can physically affect you.
God bless you and your family...this will take some time,
P.j. <3