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The last thing I have ever done for my Son... I love you Joey
Tami's Blog
My son, My Love, My Life
I just want to Thank everyone for sharing your stories of your Children, I have just lost my beautiful 18 year old Son Joey on June 22 2009, It has been the most painful thing I have ever gone through, His beautiful face and his precious memories never leave my mind, not for one second of one minuet of one hour, awake or asleep.... I re live the day he passed and the whole week leading up to his funeral on a daily basis... It is so hard to cope. I love my Son with all of my being and miss him tr… Continue
Posted on August 2nd, 2009 at 5:00am —
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http://www.myspace.com/jlj325 that should get you there to see her space if you still want to. How are you doing? With the holidays coming I can feel the dip in the emotional roller coaster hitting hard. I will be spending Christmas with my other daughter Julie but New Years is really going to be tough. With that 2nd year hitting then, I will be here alone. Julie has company and I want her to enjoy herself. I just can't. From the books, groups and therapy telling me the 2nd and 3rd years are the worse, they are right. 2009 has not been good at all. Even at work, I was told on an evaluation last week that this was my worse year. I have never had a bad evaluation but this one they put as fair. I know in the business world things have to keep going, and I have really tried my hardest, but I was told that there wasn't one person at my work that would even consider inviting me to do anything, that everyone was trying to bring me down and against me. I don't understand that. My so called "boss" just had to tell me that at least 5 times. Made me feel worthless. I actually missed only 2 days of work this past year and have really tried my hardest. I still have the confusion at times and the feeling of being lost and don't have a clue as to what I want to do or where I want to be. Sometimes I'm still waiting for Jennie to walk through that door or text me or call. I am just having such a hard time accepting that she is gone. The pain really doesn't get any better, that half of my heart is just gone. Talking about reliving that last night talking to her on the way home, getting there and smelling the smoke then seeing the fire and not being able to go in and get her out, (I still will not forgive myself for not getting home when I should have and not trying harder to go in and get her out), losing everything and the days up to her funeral (which there still is so much I don't remember), I know exactly how you feel. I don't even have to close my eyes to see it, its there and will not ever go away, no matter what anyone tells me. So many people have actually even said to me now that I should be over this. I bite my tongue, because I don't want to say to them, "wait until you lose a child, then you will understand" even though sometimes I really do, but I would never, ever wish this kind of pain on anyone. They just don't understand. Some say they know how I feel because they have lost their mom or dad, but I'm sorry.....I lost my mom when I was 10 and my dad about 9 years ago and it isn't the same.
Sorry didn't mean to go on like this, really just wanted to get you to Jennie's myspace, but my fingers just didn't stop typing. Thinking about you and wishing you well....take care.....Linda
How are you doing? Are you taking your time for yourself during the preperation of the holidays? I sure hope so, you don't need to get sick. Joey would
not be happy with that. You still need alot of time for yourself and your heart. You sound so strong in
these writings, yet I know your heart is so full of pain. Please write back. One of my friends I've gotten pretty close to through Legacy, is waiting for
the results of a pretty serious illness for herself. I
am so scared for her. We have become like sisters.
although we never met, we write all the time and talk
on the phone, we're thousands of miles away. With
love and prayers hopefully she'll be ok. Tami take care of yourself. Your friend, Prayers, Hugs and
will always be thinking of our special group. I'm sorry to see the numbers keep getting higher.
Love Janie
Legacy, I have gotten pretty close to
I have a folder that i keep everything in.
i called the mental health workers that worked with jason, and i was not happy with them at first , but after i spoke with one of them , she helped me with some dates, i was so grateful to her for that. I know now why i never heard from the workers cause they had no idea jason died. i am not sure if the police or coronor tried to get in touch with me or not. All i know is that the mental health people told me that they placed a missing person's report on the 24 of june 08. i guess the police did not connect the missing person's report with the body in the morge. i am still trying to find the courage to call the police for more information. I was totally exhausted mentally yesterday talking with that lady . i am trying to find out about the article in the newspaper as well. i tried to add a pic of jason but it did not work. my heart hurts even after a year and i lost interest in everything. i think jason was treated by the police as a homeless person and that he had no family , i am not sure how much investigation they did.. my son was not, he was loved by his family very much!!
about what happened to Rich. He did not have cancer
I lost him because the doctors didn't figure out what
was wrong until it was too late. He should have had emergency surgery at the time he went to the ER.
Of course they told him take some muscle relaxers
and call your doctor in the morning. That night he call me crying that he couldn't feel his legs or when he went to the bathroom. Went back to the ER, they
sent him home again. He suffered like that for 4 yrs.
and just kept getting worse all the time. Finally my back doctor saw him and told me and Rich that he would be disableled for the rest of his life and continue to get worse. No surgery would help him.
Not when the nerves in your spine are dead. Read
Debbies wall and you'll figure out the rest. Love to you
Janie
Thanks for coming back with the information. I'm sure that Joey would want you to make x-mas a great
holiday for his sister. It will be quite exhausting but
Joey will be with you in your heart and telling you,
mom, keep going. You'll be making both of your kids
happy. I also lost my mom a year ago. Actually
tomorrow, the 18th will be 1 year. I haven't really grieved for her all year, Rich , just took over all my
emotions and strength and my life. It'll be 2 years
in January, that Rich will be gone from me. It still
is so hard, and I believe it always will be, until it's
my time to join him. Only The Lord knows when that
will be, but I'm ready anytime. My heart still has the
biggest whole in it and alot of times the only thing that gets me through the day, is smiling and thinking
how happy they all are in heaven, and they are together. I'm jealous they left me behind. Tami
I'm sorry for your loss of your son and your dad.
Just don't over do it, and don't pretend with your
feelings. If you want to cry, just cry, then it'll pass
and you will be able to move on for your daughter.
God be with you and your family. I'm here always
if you need, whelanhottie@aol.com, just in subject
note: Legacy, so I know to open. Love to you
Janie
Thanks Janie
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