That was just what I needed to read, Terry. So, so sorry. I can relate to feeling like a robot. It's expected of us to function. One day at a time has changed to one minute at a time. If it weren't for my friends, I don't know what I'd be capable of. I hang on because I don't want my friends to ever feel this kind of grief. I feel responsible for their lives, so I force myself to put my feelings aside. I thank you and hope I can keep your message in mind. Be well. I hope we all heal but never forget.

I really feel for you, Terry. Jonathon passed suddenly on Jan 19th, so it's just been a month for me. I don't know how you've made it two months, just like I'm sure you can't see how others have made it three. Everybody keeps saying to take it one day at a time. I sincerely hope they are right. And thank you so much for reaching out to me when you're loss is so great. Everybody on this forum has been so nice. I appreciate it. Thanks, Tracy

I really appreciate what you said because that's all I've been thinking. Why and How. It still just doesn't seem real. And I still don't understand why and how. It just doesn't make any sense. How do you go your whole life waiting for that someone special, only to finally find him and then lose him so suddenly? I feel like my time with him was so damn brief. My only consolation was hearing his family telling me over and over again how happy he was. But of course they also said how much he wanted children and that he would've made a good father. Which is just gut wrenching. I started wishing I was pregnant just so part of Jonathon would still be here. But sadly, it was not to be. I feel like I failed him. I feel like, somehow, I should've been able to save him. If I had just been there or if he had been home at the time, etc. I'm sure you've thought the same thing. I need to go to his mom's house, but I've been putting it off because it's the last place I saw him alive. It just feels too soon. And the bed feels too big and the house feels too empty. I still cry everyday. And I keep thinking "what's the point of any of this." I just want to feel like there is some hope. Thanks, Tracy

HeyTerry, just checking up on you, haven't seen any recent posts from you, although I haven't been on legacy much lately, feel what's the sense of repeating my self again & again, I will be going on vacation with my sister on Sept 13th for 2 weeks to Florida, w definitely need to make a date to get together & meet, hoping you are somewhat better, everyone tells me I am doing fine but I think that's because I now try to cry when nobody can see me.

keep in touch, sending prayers,

Elvira

Thanks Terry, I am trying very hard but this weekend & today have not been good days, I keep replaying from the moment he was diagnosed to his death over & over thinking of what I could have done & regretting what I did not say to him before he passed thinking that we still had sometime together so I could tell him all my feelings & just plain tell him what he meant to me & how much I love him, I feel I needed to say it more often & I didn't, so much regret, I know I need to muster the courage not to cry to much at my son's wedding, I will try to do my best to make his day a happy event & represent my husband the way he would want me to. I am glad you were able to celebrate your daughter's birthday & you were able not to cry, thanks for responding, I have been so lost these past few days, it was good to hear from you.

Talk soon, keep in touch.

Elvira

Hey Terry, check in every once a awhile, let us know how you are doing, although I should not even ask that question, I know, because for me is still exactly the same as day one.

Prayers & hugs your way.

Elvira

Hi Terry, just checking in, haven't heard from you in awhile, how are you? although I shouldn't ask, because I know the answer.

Sending hugs & prayers,

Elvira

Believe me Terry, this past few weeks have been hell, today was horrendous, haven't stopped crying, I know exactly what you mean, our lives have changed tremendously for us & it is not a good change, even though I kept busy with the bridal shower that was on April 27th & my son's 31st Birthday this past Friday & making the announcement to all the family that he is going to be a daddy & I am going to be a grandma, it was extremely hard just thinking my husband would have been so happy, he wanted to be a grandpa so bad & now starting to get rehearsal dinner preparations plus I need a new roof, today I hired a contractor, was so hard to do this by myself, I keep asking why God took him away & at the same time took away my future.

I would certainly love to get together & share our memories, I am sure will cry but we will understand each other so well, there is another lady from Jersey also who just lost her husband, she is from Parsippany, her name is Barbara & like us is going thru hell, I also keep in touch with her & Marie, just keep me posted on the dates you can drive up & we will settle on a place to meet.

Thanks for responding,

Hugs to you,

Elvira