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My Wife and I were married on April 16, 1966, in Decatur, Illinois. We had a mutual agreement that we would be married in a Catholic Church by a Priest and a Methodist preacher, My Brother Rev Norman Earl Trolia. The Ceremony was planned by one phone call. Everything was taken care of by my family. They provided the entire Wedding party even the Soloist was one of my relatives and she sang in Italian “Ave Marie”. At her wedding, she was surrounded by my family. Only Her Mother, Father, and Brother were present.
She left this Earth April Fools Day in 2016 so had she lived 15 more days we would have been married 50 years. When she was approaching death. She never let me make any decision, she refused all medication that would have made her death more comfortable for both her and me. I never wanted to see her in pain, but being stubborn as she was she only requested that the Hospice Nurse stay and when asked why she said she felt at ease with her there. She was buried in the same Grave Plot as our only Daughter.
Life after her Death has awakened me to what she did for me and others. I now not only have to do the things that I have always done but now I must do the things that she had always done. For a while, my Grandson lived with me and picked up some of the slack, but now he has moved out and so now I am all alone. My Son comes to visit me sometimes and he is a great help to me. Part of the struggle I had was that I never knew until the Doctor said “You have Cancer” even when she gave me subtle hints. She never wanted to retire just because I retired, she enjoyed her job at the Federal Department of Transportation. But one day she came home and said that she had put in her request to retire and that she had elected to set aside 10% of her retirement for me after death and said that I needed to sign some documents for Office of Personnel Management. She had not seen a Doctor for an exam for seven years which the Insurance would have paid 100% for it, but within two months she wanted me to go with her for an OBGYN exam. She went through all the usual treatments for Cancer, but when you wait for seven years you don’t stand much of a chance of winning that battle.
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What I regret is, my husband was to grow old with me. It was easier to age with him than without him. How crazy is that? I am glad he is not in pain, and yes, I feel him with me in a literal sense. Night time is the roughest. When I do sleep, I usually stay asleep. I want to see him and remember him in a dream, but that has not happened. I talk to him frequently, as I know so many of us do. I am reaching out. I am a trained extrovert - job wise, but shy. He was the one that made friends for us. I do know, we have to change our lives and mingle somehow. I sing at night and have, after too many months of not doing it, have played the piano again. It does make me feel better - I cry as I sing, and when I finish.
some where along the latest blogs age became a factor in relationships, men are expected to marry younger women, I was born November 10,1937 and my Wife was born July 10,1942. That comment struct me as untrue was that the oldest person should die first. You shall know neither the day nor the hour. If you can understand I take my health care as a responsibility. My wife on the other hand hated the medical side of life, for her the saying, "Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)" fit her to a T. She was a fatalist until the end, almost her entire family died of one Cancer or another. She figured it was her lot in life. I had a hard time explaining that Cancer was of the world and not a curse of her family. For a Catholic to listen to her Baptist husband that she must forgive others so that she might be forgiven. After that conversation I pressed on to ask her to take Jesus as her personal Savior. I tried many times before without success, but her journey into the after life was near. It gave me peace that she accepted Jesus.