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How do I move forward happily?

Travis Kyle Martin was born on February 12, 1992. My first baby. He gave me so much, I instantly loved him on the day he was born. He was a wonderful son. So smart and handsome. He was an excellent student, a boy scout, and a very talented musician, writing his own material and being the lead in all of his bands. Travis tried out for a major band and we placed him with online education with one of the local performing arts school, so he would be able to tour. Although after weeks awaiting his acceptance into the band, and their decision to go with someone older. That did not hold him back on getting another band together. Travis was so talented, he could play every instrument and wrote his own music and taught the other boys in the band every song written. Travis played the saxophone in his Middle School marching band and Drums in the Jazz band. His christian hard core band played at the Adams Middle School formal and his freshmen year won the battle of the bands at Chamberlain High School.
On Thursday June 4, 2009 while driving home from staying the night at his band mates house, driving home the roads were wet because it had rained earlier that morning and driving on the 4th street bridge to get to the interstate to come home, a vehicle making a u-turn pulled out in front of Travis. Travis veered to the right to avoid hitting the vehicle and lost control of his vehicle crashing onto the guardrail, causing him to flip and due to not wearing his seatbelt Travis was ejected and killed instantly landing on the cement. Travis was 17. He was pronounced dead at 10:38 am. Travys best friend Cameron was in the car, he too was not wearing his seat belt and was pinned between the front and back seats. He suffer minor injuries and was rushed to the hospital.
Camerons mom called and said that Travis and Cameron were in an accident but didnt know where Travis was. I was on the phone trying to find my son for over 2 and a half hours trying to get in toulch with the officer in charge. I was told that no one could tell me anything, I would have to talk to her. Finally at 12:30 my x-husband Travys dad and also my very best friend drove up on the accident. Travis was dead, it was the absolute most horrific phone call between his dad and I.
I was at work and collapsed crying, screaming. A co-worker drove me home. It was my 12 year olds daughter last day of school for summer break and her Grandma was picking her up. My daughter of course knew something was wrong as we were all crying and I had to tell her that her big brother was killed in a car accident.
His funeral service was amazing, so many people, he knew so many people. He touched so many young lives. It has been almost 5 months now and I cry every day for him. Although I am strong at work and aroung my family and friends. Its is just so hard to fake being happy. He gave me the best 17 years of my life and I miss him terribly. I visit his gravesite every day, it helps. I want the world to know my son and I dont want the people in his life to forget him. Travis was going to be a rock star and tour the world.
Please visit my youtube page and get to know him. www.youtube.com/tmartin0323

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At 1:17am on October 31st, 2009, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Tina,you have my utmost sympathy & you don't have to fake happy and no one around you should fake your happiness you have not had time to grieve properly, take time and know yourself as a mother that's lost her child and those around you should have a shoulder for you to cry on at any time, there is a time for everything,(Eccl:3) a time to weep, a time to mourn, a time to laugh, a time for embracing, a time to refrain from embracing. You're operating in the time that your child has died and now it's a time for people to embrace you and let you know that they understand how the heart aches because I know there has been some heartaches somewhere with all the people you & travis knew & my prayer is that people don't give you the silent mourning trip as to they don't want to cry or look sad around you that's the worst thing to do this mourning should be done at anytime you're with someone who feels your pain, crying isn't a sign of weakness but an expression of joy,sadness,excitement etc; if it was a band competition and Travis won would they not show their joy?if he lost would they not show their sadness? This is a time that you all have lost a great competitor,forgive me for saying but Travis has left the building & your sadness can be vocal as it will calm your spirit to know how much others feel so that you may all be strength for each other, silence only breeds false joy as openness shows the love that you each have for Travis.Travis is the best thing in your life so don't let your joy that he gave you be suppressed by fake happiness my friend but let your happiness come as now knowing that your love & joy got cut short by a simple mistake it has happened to many others as we know not what corner we may turn & life ends for us because I did not know that talking to my daughter on thursday & nothing wrong with her that on saturday she would complain of a headache & beore her mom can get upstairs & change into clothes to take her to the hospital she would pass out and before the paremedics got her to the hospital she is unconcious & brain dead,Tina hear my plea as I said all in love with the utmost compassion.I was Asst.Pastor in our church people thought because I was a public figure I was to be this strong man & I was mind you I preached my daughter's funeral & didn't shed a tear I watched as they lowered her casket didn't shed a tear,I went in the fellowship hall and greeted numerous people didn't shed a tear as there was standing room only at her funeral but there was one person who was a friend who pulled me to the side in quiet and asked how are you really doing?just as I am crying now writting to you because I know the pain & still feel the pain as you will feel the pain at the most inopportune time but there should never be a time that your tears can not fall because no one will ever know how your heart was knit to Travis' heart & there will be days when you'll just have to say "today is just not a good day & that alone will show not that you're weak but Travis is heavy on your mind, you might need to take a break & go in the restroom at work & weep quitely & anyone around you who's lost a child will know why.I know you feel this way as I did when my Kisha left so did I even though I'm still here I had forgot her birthday as I thought she was still 23 becasue she loved her daddy & she let everyone know, and when she wrote poetry she always expressed her love for all she loved. So Tina I'm praying for you as the days will get better but the love will never grow weak.I have to stop writting as I cry all the while for I know how your heart hurts so be of good cheer Gods knows your every tear as he puts them in his bottle(ps.56:8) with love & compassion Be Blessed.
At 7:53am on October 26th, 2009, Tina said…
I just want one more day with my baby boy.

At 7:52am on October 26th, 2009, Tina said…

 
 

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