Hi again Torri.  You help me so much with your experience in trying to get through losing my love. I don't think it is strange to wear his ashes and you must have a very great guy who is so tender with you.  I live in Florida.  Would love to keep talking with you.  Is this area of comments sent to everyone?  It would be good to be able to write privately.  I have the same dread of something happening to me.  I lost my favorite kitty just after John died.  My dad is 85 and lives with me.  I am afraid of what is next.  I feel like God is being unfair to me.  I lost three kids when I was married.  the second pregnancy miscarried and I was   six months pregnant.  It was so hard to see my tiny baby boy dead.  My son was married to a  great girl.  She was 8 months pregnant when they had a car accident.  She and the baby died.  She was only 22 years old.  We are traumatized so expect to have scary thoughts, I think that is part of post traumatic stress syndrome.  Look forward to hearing from you again.   Sue