My sweet Kaitlyn. 11-18-98 to 12-10-13
It's been almost 4 months. It still doesn't feel real somedays. It's as if I am still waiting to wake up and walk into her room, and see her smiling, sitting in the middle of her bed. Things like this don't happen to us. This journey is so lonely sometimes, even in the midst of a crowd. The tears start bubbling up at the most awkward times sometimes. It's uncontrollable when the triggers hit, and here is no way of knowing what they all are. We can try avoiding the triggers as much as possible but there is always going to be something. I have begun forcing the memories of the hospital out by forcing the good memories in. It works forthe most part...but they will always haunt a part of me. I refuse to let the bad memories of the hospital over take the good. She deserves more than that, because there were way more good memories there were bad ones. She was pure good and innocence. A light in my heart has gone out for now. I will see her again. Just not yet.