"Jim Charles, I sent you an earlier message. But wanted to add how wonderful for you that you got your M.A. in Anthropology. Barry was very interested in Hermeneutics and the Native American Culture. He also wrote a book on the families of coal…"
"Charles, Beloved the Lord is with us...
I SO appreciate your reply! As you know grief is such a loney lonely empty place. I am new to this..it will be a year this Tuesday : ( I am trying to figure out how I can commemorate it. I have a big back yard…"
"Dearest Jim, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved, Betty. I too just lost my darling, Barry, last April. and yes, it is a year, but you too will see in one year, and two or 5, we still long for them and cannot believe it!!!!! Barry was an…"
"God bless you all, and as far as I am concerned, your hearts are so close to God and you are walking on holy ground. I lost my beloved last April and it’s barely “sinking in”. I have to come to terms with it each new day--as you…"
"Dear Beloved Johanna,
I use beloved because in the Bible, Paul the Apostle called his fellow sufferers and brothers /sisters in Christ, his beloved..I see my fellow sufferers of grief and chronic pain as my beloved as I have some clue of your…"
"I cry and i talk about Barry every day and my kids let me love him in my words. I feel like my heart is being wrung out and the pain is very intense! I cope by remembering that God has chosen forme, for now to remain behind for now...and I know one…"
"Hi Vee. I know it's only a few days before Christmas and I'm sure life must be reeking havoc on your emotions right now. Please do know that God is with you and that really soon 'death will be swallowed up forever. ( Isaiah 25:8) Do…"
"Dearest Jen, Honey, I am sorry for your huge loss! WOW! so new, so fresh! and not like it is less of a loss as the months pass. I lost my life companion, best friend, lover, partner, mentor and boyfriend of 11 years this last April. I have had…"
I am in the first Christmas season without my beloved, but I try to think of doing things for “us” that we both did together, like getting the girls their gifts and the 2 grand kids, I think of what Barry would want me…"
"hi Diane, I am sorry for your deep loss. How are you now? I just lost my dear boyfriend, best friend, companion of 11 years this last April. I am still in a lot of grief, anger and disbelief. And the first Christmas without him...
He was a professor…"
Hi Vee. I know it's only a few days before Christmas and I'm sure life must be reeking havoc on your emotions right now. Please do know that God is with you and that really soon 'death will be swallowed up forever. ( Isaiah 25:8) Do know you are not alone. It's good that you have his family as a support and I do hope that you will keep in touch and let me know how you are coping.
Hi Vee, it is long since we talked. Lord has continued to be faithful. he has continued to heal my wounds though a day hardly passes without me thinking about my husband. I at times feel so lonely.Am also dreading christmas as am not imaging us without him. It was our culture over christmas to go n b with his parents n now cant imagn going home without him. I thank the Lord his parents have bn very supportive. otherwise have been quite busy harvesting maize n reading for my masters degree. Here in Kenya, the place is sunny.
Hi Vee, I believe God has continued to heal your broken heart as He does to me every day (Psalms 34:18). Am sorry yesterday you were very sad n you missed Barry.It is normal; I too at times cry a lot n miss my hubby Antony too much. He was part of my life and we shared a lot. we had seen each other grow and develop career and you can imagn how that brightened our hearts. sometimes I don't imagine my hubby is gone n have no one to cheer me up. He lived about 300 kilometres from where I live as he worked as an administrator in the University and he would travel over on Thursdays or Fridays and we would spend our weekends together. weekends are the most tormenting days for me. Everyday at 9.00pm he would talk to me and the boys and wish us good night and I too wish he would call me. My mind too also refuses to accept he is gone n hopes hes coming. My hubby was humorous and I miss his humor. I am happy to know he is in heaven and heaven is a much better place. i even no longer cook some african food we did over the weekend n enjoyed together as this makes me sad. we loved spending our time on the couch where we took this picture.
in Kenya there are many Christians. in fact over 70% of Kenyans are Christians. there are other religions like Islam n Hindu. Christians are either Catholics or protestants. we have Christians radio stations and TV stations which help in spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Kenya is a beautiful country;its warm through out the year. we have no major seasons as summer or winter. the temperatures are okay; about 28 degrees Celsius during the day and 20 degree Celsius at night. some areas agriculturally productive and there are others which are quite arid. there are also wild animals and beautiful beaches.
Vee, we may not know what the future holds, but we can trust the One who holds the future.
Hi Vee, I am doing better. I went to dinner with Macho's family last night and it was really nice to see them and talk about the days he was here. Everything has changed in the last 43 days but I decided that I need to stop killing my lungs and liver with smoking and alcohol, so I quit a few days ago. I have been spending more time with my son and it feels good to be able to joke around with him. This has brought us closer. I love my son and Macho loved his as well. You see Macho couldnt have kids so he called Walter his own son. The funny part is that Walter kinda looks like him and has the same beauty marks, lol. LIfe goes on and I am trying to deal with it as it comes. I am still angry and alone and wish things were different, but I am learning that I cant change or control everything.
I really hope you are doing well, and understand that you two will be together once again sooner or later. Then you do meet all your questions and doubts will be answered. One day we will all be happy. In life we let out doubts control our lives and this has been my issue too. I doubted him so much and I was too busy being scared that I didnt give him everything he needed. I wasted too much time trying to make him into something he wasnt, but now I see that while I was trying to change him, he changed me. I am glad I met him and I have learned so much from him. You will see Barry and you can tell him all about how he touched and changed you as a person, cause you cant love someone this much and have learned nothing.
I have been looking for grief groups out here in south Florida but the only ones are on thursday nights and I work those days so I will keep looking. I am taking a day at a time and some days are good and some are bad but I keep going. Life is different now, calm and I dont stress over the little things anymore, but that could also be cause I dont really care so much anymore.
I judt hope things get better for you, just remember that he knows you loved him and you didnt have to say "yes" for him to know that. We made foolish decisions but they forgave us, just like we forgave them.
Hi Vee, thank you for accepting to be my friend. Keziah was one of the Job's daughter (Job 42:14). I work for the government of Kenya and am also a woman leader in our church. I also mentor the youths in the church.I also do some farming and am a masters student writing my thesis on Youth mentoring. at least am busy though by the end of the day I wish my hubby was there we share how the day was. For the case of my hubby, the one who killed him was arrested n is out on bail n this hurts me so much though constitutionally in our country is okay. the hearing for the case starts in September 27th this year and will be traveling about 300 kilometres from where I live. Am Just praying for justice for my husband. U r blessed Vee
Hi Vee, thank you so much for your encouraging words. God bless you. for the first time in 5 months you have written something I can identify with.many people tend to tell me to move on and I have always felt hurt wondering why they treat me so harshly. they dont understand how much I miss my husband, we had known each other for 15 years(since college) and married for 11 years too. we had dreams to fulfill together. today I missed him so much; I had gone to the farm n was wishing he was there to help me accomplish some tasks.
Please Vee, continue praying for me as I pray for you. did you and your husband had children?
I am ok, I think. Actually I have been trying to drown my grief in vodka but I dont think its working. A few nights ago I went to the beach at night waiting to be alone so I can swim out into the ocean and be with him. The only thing that saved me that night was a text message from my son telling me he was hungry...lol. I feel so stupid even telling you this because no one knows about that night. I miss him, and I still sleep with his shirt and I still think about him every second that passes by. Two nights ago I went out to drink my pain away again, although it didnt work, I spend the whole night crying and puking. I swear this is not me. I was strong once. My whole life is in question. I am in the RN program and classes start on the 23rd, but I am not motivated to do anything. I started nursing so I can take care of him when he gets old, but now I have no one to take care of. I have been sleeping for over 12 hrs a day and I stopped going to the gym. I feel like a bum but I just cant get it together. I dont know how to go back to myself. I am lost and I think I might need some help. Thank you for checking up on me, my son keeps me alive, but it means alot to me that you care enough to even send me a message. Thank you.
Vee, Thank you for your comment on my first post back several weeks ago.
I am not good at responding, and time is very strange for me since I lost Maureen. I'm still moving in slow motion... Hope you're having some little breaks from the most intense pain, if possible. It's so helpful to come back to this site, am re-reading the article on sudden loss. Peace to all, Margy