All of us on this sad website are so sorry for you. We all know how it feels to lose your child & we are all sharing in your grief. I have lost 2 daughters to cancer in the past 17 months. It is the worst pain a mother could ever experience I'm sure. There is nothing I can offer you that will help you very much. I'm afraid my method is not a very good one. I try not to dwell on it & everything I read says that is not the best way. But sometimes we must do whatever it takes to get us through each day. "It is what it is" & we must accept it even if we would rather not. Hang on.