Hi Tom thanks for you'r reply im sorry for your loss i guess everyone one on this website knows desperate times and seems there is alot free addvise and the loudest seem to be the one's who have'nt been there. Thats why i love this sight you know every one in it knows the same type off pain.Im not sure if im going to the grave site it's about a four or five hour drive from here i just don't know what to do when i get there.The hardest part is dealing with family it's to hard to rehash old pains i know that they are looking to be comforted too.I may take you up on your addvise ill just have to wait and see. God bless ademetri