Benita, I lost my fiance to cancer on June 20, 2009. We were to be married on June 6, 2009, but he had gotten so ill due to the progression of the disease that we didn't get married. He and I had known each other for over 44 years! We each had marriages--mine ending in divorce in 2002 and his ending with his wife's death. We then began dating Summer 2007, and spent every day together!! He was diagnosed with colon cancer less than a year after we began dating; took chemo treatments for almost a year. His condition worsened so quickly...he went from walking around to being totally bedridden within 2 days and died within about three weeks. We lived together for almost the entire last year. I will never forget the feeling of his hand loosening it's grip of my hand as he took his last breath!!! I had been at his bedside all night. Even though we were together for only two years (friends for 45 years), my heart and my life will never be the same. Never knew how much I could possibly miss someone's touch, word, and just their presence! There is not a day that goes by in which I don't cry. I try to remember his "drop-dead gorgeous blue eyes", his loving smile and touch rather than the memories of him being in so much pain the last two days he lived!! Maybe it's because we are so close now to Valentine's Day that I find myself missing him even more and crying at the drop of a hat. Please know that it does help to remember the fun, good times -- We will make it, with God's help and everyone's prayers. Take care. Just "venting" some days helps, too!! Have a good day tomorrow. Debbie
I've felt so alone in my grief. My heart is broken as I'm sure your's is too. Everyone at work tells me I'm doing fine and great under the circumstances, but when I'm alone I sob. Your loss, so close to the holidays is hard. We'll get through it. Some days, I'm amazed at how well I got through and it's because those are the days I'm most busy and don't have time to think too much. I hope your tears soon help you see the good times only. Because the last weeks are the worst with cancer, I hope you can see the smiles he had for you and not the cancer. Shoo those thoughts and images away quickly. This bites big time Benita.
Have a good tomorrow. Andrea