I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. It has been almost 6 months since my husband passed away and it still seem so unreal to me. I still miss him very much.
You have come to the right place though. There are many caring people here that will listen to you and try to give the best advice they can to help you through this horrible time. I know it has helped me to know I am not alone and I am not crazy for feeling the way I do. Anytime you want to talk I am here
My thoughts and prayers are with you Take Care