Cindy I am so sorry you lost you father in that way, on top of everything the stress of making decisions for your father. It is a shame that in the moment you needed your mother to be by your side to help you get through this she isolated herself. I know how you feel when you say you blame her for everything. I felt the same toward my mom when my brother took his life. She told me things that you should NEVER EVER wish... I reminded her of it., she of course denies it. I could not talk to her without anger, I felt hatred toward her.. It was killing me. She knew that I would never forgive her. After sometime I realized she could not forgive herself and she would be the one living with the truth & guilt. She can't lie to herself. I hope you awake to the day when the negative feelings you have for her are gone. You'll realize that carrying that will only hurt you and bring you down. It sounds as if you did what you could for your father because you had unconditional love for him. 

Cindy I am sorry for your loss. You will find comforting words from everyone here. When you are ready to express your feelings, or have any questions
People here are supportive. That has been my experience. I lost my brother on January 27, 2012 he was born October03,1980. My brother was a marine. He served in Afghanistan , made it home while many others did not. He was an amazing person, always giving and taking care of others before his own needs. I love him with all my heart. It has been tough at times, and I have received support from those who have taken time to console me