day day
  • Female
  • boston ma
  • United States
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At 12:49pm on March 28, 2013, Helen Duncan Hutchinson said…

I can feel your pain and it is exactly the same as mine.    I don't believe we ever get over it and time does not heal, all it does is enable you not to cry like a baby in public but reserve it for home.    Life will never be the same.   My husband and I were joined at the hip and everyone said we lit up a room whenever we arrived as the love we had for one another just shone out.   How do you get over a love like that.   The answer is you don't but try and learn to live with the pain.   I also tried to cut my wrists at the beginning only to be told by all my religious friends that  would not have been allowed to go t my husband had  succeeded.   I rally struggle with faith and the widows who have a strong faith really do much better.   I have a scientific background (worked in that line for 40 years) so I struggle with faith but hope if God is there he forgives doubters if the person has led a reasonably kind life and tried to do goods things rather than bad when they could.   I am so sorry for your loss.   I know exactly what you feel like because it happened to me.

At 4:10pm on April 3, 2010, day day said…
well i ended up in rehab! lucky me. i started drinking and blacking out.one night i was in a ok mood and i went down cellar 2 get my clothes washed and tripped over a rope and hung myself. i am in a safe place now but still cant wrap my head around him being gone. i feel im not even me anymore.i want 2 scream and cry and hit things and im not a violent person. if u saw him u knew i was right behind and vice versa. i have been told i must get over it and god mustve needed him. i hate that. im mad and i really feel ill never stop feeling this way. when i was 19 my boyfriend was murdered in front of me and i was held against my will and im now 37. i think of him everyday. im tired and dont want 2 do it with out him, my baby;
At 3:24pm on February 21, 2010, donna howell said…
ive just loss my baby sister on 2/12/2010 and believe i got god on my side talk to him and he will give you the strenth.i think god everyday formt extended family in church they give me strenght.just pray and keep your faith in god
At 3:45am on February 17, 2010, Missmylove47 said…
Dear day day,

First of all,I am so sorry for the loss of your fiance. I can understand exactly what you are going through, my heart goes out for you, I feel your pain. I have been there myself recently,when my loved husband passed away on October 26, 2009. Almost 4 months ago. Soon after my husband passed away, I've been experiencing all kind of emotions, and feelings. First because his death was totally sudden and unexpected, I felt numbness, like I was having a terrible nigthmare that I wanted so much to wake up.

It feels almost a out body experience, I was there but it feel I wasn't. Then the guilty, emptiness, lonely feeling, total shock. Then I was unable to sleep, also like you I was crying constantly, I had no energy or motivation at all, I just wanted to sleep. When I did sleep I had nightmares. I had to force myself to woke up get up from the sofa, and take care of my daughter who lives with me, my dogs,and take care of the funeral arrangements, and solve problems and priorities over the phone. I even didn't like to go out house, it was a struggle even to do groceries.

I was physically and mentally exausted. Many times I had to ask God to help me just to get up and get dressed. My emotions was like a rollercoaster, unstable. My daughter didn't like to see me crying, but I did anyway because It is very important to express your feelings during the grieving period. That way you can heal properly. Cry and grieve as long you need to. Don't let nobody tell you otherwise. The grieving process have many phases that we have to experience it.

About depression, yes it is hard to deal with. It is normal to feel depressed when someone that we love so much dies. It is because we miss them so much in our lives. I was very depressed not too long ago, like you,I was missing my husband so much that I wanted just wanted to be with him. I was having crazy thoughts too......I wanted to die!
I felt that was no way out without my husband. I was under and still under a lot pressure, I have so many problems to solve by myself, and be strong for me and my daughter.

My daughter and God gives me so much strength to keep going. Anyway, when I was having those crazy thoughts about die, I knew that I was deeply depressed and I needed help. I am not suicidal, I believe in God I have faith, I have daughter who needs me. Also I am strong believer that life is a precious gift from God, and ONLY him can take it away from us. We have no rights to even think about die or kill ourselves it is WRONG and is not from God. In my case, I recognized that I needed help from my doctor, myself,and God.

My doctor prescripted me medications to help me with depression and anxiety(which worked very well) I feel much better(no more crazy thoughts) I think every problem have solution in life, die is not a solution. Also everything happens for a reason. It is hard to accept and understand, but we should have faith and be strong. I learned take day by day, don't worry too much about tomorrow. Take baby steps. Do little every day, don't push yourself too much. Take care of yourself and health your son needs you, he probably is stressed out and grieving as you do.

I was so stressed out recently that every morning I felt that I was going to throw up, and had upset stomach. It happened every day after I wake up. It is getting better now, I try not to stress myself much or worry all the time about things. I try to think positive about my life and future. I read a bible, I have faith that things will get better, I am not alone,I have God and my daughter who needs me. Also is very important to accept that our loved one is gone...but we still alive, and our mission is not over. I cry less now than before.....today I cried after a few days without. I still missing my husband so much, and I always will. He was my soulmate, my love, my sunshine. He is gone, but he always will be alive in my heart and memories. Your fiance too day day, you just lost him is too soon! Everything you are experiencing is normal, you will get stronger with time believe me. But you need to be positive, have faith and do what you can on daily basis. Don't expect much of yourself now. You will
see positive changes in your lack of motivation, and mood,just give it time okay.

How about your eat habits......are you eating??? I wasn't I lost 16 lbs. Before I start the medication I couldn't even look at food it did make me sick. Now I feel much better, It amazing how a medication prescripted by a good doctor can help you. If you feel too depressed like I was ....please look for help okay! It is my best advice to you. Do not think the worse.....God is with you, he loves each one of us. He give us strength. When you feel bad.....just ask God to help you....and he will.

If you don't mind me asking.......what happened with your fiance?

I am here if you need someone to talk to.
God bless.....you are in my prayers & thoughts.
At 3:55pm on February 5, 2010, day day said…
i lost my fiance last month a week before his 46 birthday. im hopelessly lost and can hardly get into the shower. my family, which never met him in over 4 years, looks at me like its been 6months and i should try to start doing things.i hate to wake up and i cant sleep,i cry constantly and its a chore to talk to my son.i feel him sometimes and talk to him outloud,so i look nuts.ive had a few signs but it makes me sad im not with him.
 
 
 

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