"Dear Chaya, Losing a partner leaves such a void as to any other death, I think its because they are our best friend, our goto when times are rough, a safe place to land. Without all that we have to figure out how to live life with all these emotions…"
"Welcome to the group Chaya, although I am sorry you are on here, this is such a welcoming place to be and I have bared my soul here to people that really get it. Its been 3 1/2 years since my Greg passed and 32 years since my 1st husband passed so…"
"Its been 3 1/2 years since Greg passed away, all this time Ive been kinda pretending hes still here, not fully acknowledging the fact hes not here. I went thru my house yesterday and took down all the extra pictures that I had put up of him, I feel…"
"So my daughter had her first single record come out today, Im so excited for her, her voice is amazing and she finally found the right producer, she is on all the music apps on the internet and you tube. her name is Soulkatt and the song is '…"
"Chuck, made me chuckle to think of the people at the restaurant when you proposed, people are so critical of others lives. August is a hot spot for me too with the anniversary of my first husbands death on the 14th to the anniversary of Greg…"
"Happy Labor day everyone, hope this day finds everyone healthy and happy. My kids and grandkids came over Saturday and I grilled for them and we all had fun playing games, including hide n seek for my youngest grandchild, was so nice, nothing makes…"
"Hope everyone is well these days, I took a road trip to my sisters in North Dakota, it was so nice to go someplace, but it was also a little scary, mask and lots of handsanitizer but have now been home for 2 weeks so figure Im good. I had to…"
"Glad to hear everyone is doing good with our new normal, I live in st Charles Mo. they are talking about doing face mask mandatory here, which is good, I use them anyway. Have been busy watching my 6 year old grandson all summer so his mom can work…"
"Charles, so sorry you seem to be having a hard time lately, I think not being able to get out and about is probably partly to blame, or it is for me. I think staying home is giving you more time to miss Larry even more. Im so glad you have Steve who…"
"Hoping everyone is having a safe holiday weekend, not much different here except my kids and grandkids came over and we all hung out around my firepit which is quite large so we were all apart, was nice though, haven't been around them since…"
"Yesterday was the 3 year anniversary for me, I just kept busy and my mind off of it. Today was my grandsons 16th birthday, he and his mom lived with us his whole life and Greg had always told him when he got his license they were going on a road…"
"Yesterday a lot of the restrictions in Mo were lifted, too early I think, I live in St Charles and we have had a lot of cases so I am still staying with the restrictions we had, I will see how everyone else does before I will venture out.I always…"
I identify with u i had two fiances that passed away in my life & I cant compare & wont because my first fiancé I knew was sick with COPD vet bad & he was very open about his death and he died in my arms in the hosp and I knew how he died plus he we were exactly like someone married we shared everything but morein the yrs i knew him and was with him more married than my marriage the only reason we we not married by the time of his death, his divorce had not gone thru yet & his wife was giving him a hard time but atleast i knew a love that i had and now 15 yrs later can finally say I was a very lucky woman to have known, felt, such love my fiancé that just passed away in Aug, 2017 died without me there. i still to this day do not know how he died (i was having surgery 300 miles away) & b4 I left he made it pretty clear he wanted me to leave after my surgery and came back The shock I felt when he died, the not knowing how and all the assuming (he had a bad heart & was supposed to get a pacemaker) one minute he would tell me how much he loved me and so many times he kept saying I want to marry u and even plan the date and were we would spend our honeymoon it was even as close as a month before his death. I do know this I loved both of them equally as much, and with my fiancé Frank, his death has me so confused, and wondering know if he ever loved me at all. Now after his death I see so many things he did for me that I never saw when he was alive but I don’t know if i’m just not dealing with all the hurtful things he said and did to me too. i don’t even at this point consider myself as his fiancé before he died i don’t know what he was now. We lived together for 2 yrs and the last time he proposed marriage i said let’s just do it, i knew in my gut something was going to happen i thought to me not him he was such a strong person and we are both not kids waiting im 67 soon to be 68 in April 3, and he was 65 going to be 66 on April 2nd two Aries oh boy we were supposed to get married in 2017 in April 3 but because of my surgery and him not wanting me anymore blaming me for his heart attack he had 3 wks before my surgery he was so angry at me and that i still don’t know why but now all i want to do is let him go, I’m getting so tired of grieving for him, I now still don’t have my apt anymore lost almost everything and I am not blaming him because I was the fool who loved him so much, and still do, but why?? It’s obvious to me he was either lying to me about loving me ever or I can’t even fathom and am still in shock but just want him out of my mind and get on with whatever life is left and have some joy because between both of my fiances there was such a major difference I think that with Frank I thought he would be like Al (my first fiancé) and show me all the love he had or had too much expectations but the nit knowing atleast how Frank died no one will tell me in his family I am trying for months to get his Death Certificate but i’m in nyc and was living in nys and it seems almost impossible to get one from the county up there that their laws are so different up there and searching and searching on the internet for something but they all want money and don’t promise results. I’m just getting very tired of all the researching when i should be grieving and moving on, i might never know, i’ve even thgt maybe it was suicide the last phone call i received from him the day before he died sounded very sick (i can’t share it now) but with his heart history i can only assume it was his heart and only know he died in the hospital. I even called the county coroner who shared with me he only investigates things like murders or deaths that r under investigations but did tell me if he died in the hosp that means they didn’t find him home dead or he didn’t die in the ambulance he passed away in the hospital and was there for over 24 hrs that’s all he could tell me legally. i still have so much guilt , I get angry at myself for loving.