"Anthony, I too had a hard time this weekend, its all the dates that are hard to get thru, I always made cornedbeef and cabbage and our girls and their families would come over, I really didn't care for it but Greg did so every year I made it, I…"
"Today I was cleaning out the closet in my craft room and came across a tote of cards and mementoes from what seems like a lifetime ago, cards and things that Greg had given me plus our wedding announcement and even items from my parents, I read…"
"Anthony, my husband too passed at home and it is a hard but blessed experience, a lot of guilt that maybe I could of done things differently and he could of lived longer, ect... I replay it all in my mind all the time too. Unlike you he only lived…"
"mary jane, you both have been working so hard, mentally and physically, its crazy what you can accumulate without even realizing it. But how exciting and scary to be making such a huge move, I wish you all the luck and best wishes on your new…"
"This is going to be a weird post but last night I was on the phone with my sister and we were just chatting about our craft rooms and I don't remember what was said but I laughed, I actually laughed a true real laugh not a half hearted one, and…"
"My brother moved back to my area after being gone for 6 years, he is staying with me until he finds a place, love having the company and would love for him to stay here with me for good but I know that he likes his privacy so I have told him he is…"
"Mary Jane, I know he is smiling down at you and thanking you. it seems like it never ends doesn't it, the papers, the bikes, the dates, its so hard but we are all here with you, take care of yourself, your friend Debby"
"Mary Jane I cant imagine having to shred all the papers, I'm so sorry you had to do that, Gregs dresser is still full of clothes and there is a small amount in our closet but I wanted the kids to have something too even though it broke my heart…"
"Last night my girls came over to go thru Gregs belongings and to pick out what they wanted, was really hard to watch most of his belongings be packed up to go to their homes, his side of the closet is almost bare, I guess it means its permanent"
"Yesterday was hard at parts, I wrote messages to Greg on a balloon and released it to the heaven above. I got a flower delivery that my daughter sent from Greg, it was roses and carnations which are flowers special to both my marriages. then just…"
I identify with u i had two fiances that passed away in my life & I cant compare & wont because my first fiancé I knew was sick with COPD vet bad & he was very open about his death and he died in my arms in the hosp and I knew how he died plus he we were exactly like someone married we shared everything but morein the yrs i knew him and was with him more married than my marriage the only reason we we not married by the time of his death, his divorce had not gone thru yet & his wife was giving him a hard time but atleast i knew a love that i had and now 15 yrs later can finally say I was a very lucky woman to have known, felt, such love my fiancé that just passed away in Aug, 2017 died without me there. i still to this day do not know how he died (i was having surgery 300 miles away) & b4 I left he made it pretty clear he wanted me to leave after my surgery and came back The shock I felt when he died, the not knowing how and all the assuming (he had a bad heart & was supposed to get a pacemaker) one minute he would tell me how much he loved me and so many times he kept saying I want to marry u and even plan the date and were we would spend our honeymoon it was even as close as a month before his death. I do know this I loved both of them equally as much, and with my fiancé Frank, his death has me so confused, and wondering know if he ever loved me at all. Now after his death I see so many things he did for me that I never saw when he was alive but I don’t know if i’m just not dealing with all the hurtful things he said and did to me too. i don’t even at this point consider myself as his fiancé before he died i don’t know what he was now. We lived together for 2 yrs and the last time he proposed marriage i said let’s just do it, i knew in my gut something was going to happen i thought to me not him he was such a strong person and we are both not kids waiting im 67 soon to be 68 in April 3, and he was 65 going to be 66 on April 2nd two Aries oh boy we were supposed to get married in 2017 in April 3 but because of my surgery and him not wanting me anymore blaming me for his heart attack he had 3 wks before my surgery he was so angry at me and that i still don’t know why but now all i want to do is let him go, I’m getting so tired of grieving for him, I now still don’t have my apt anymore lost almost everything and I am not blaming him because I was the fool who loved him so much, and still do, but why?? It’s obvious to me he was either lying to me about loving me ever or I can’t even fathom and am still in shock but just want him out of my mind and get on with whatever life is left and have some joy because between both of my fiances there was such a major difference I think that with Frank I thought he would be like Al (my first fiancé) and show me all the love he had or had too much expectations but the nit knowing atleast how Frank died no one will tell me in his family I am trying for months to get his Death Certificate but i’m in nyc and was living in nys and it seems almost impossible to get one from the county up there that their laws are so different up there and searching and searching on the internet for something but they all want money and don’t promise results. I’m just getting very tired of all the researching when i should be grieving and moving on, i might never know, i’ve even thgt maybe it was suicide the last phone call i received from him the day before he died sounded very sick (i can’t share it now) but with his heart history i can only assume it was his heart and only know he died in the hospital. I even called the county coroner who shared with me he only investigates things like murders or deaths that r under investigations but did tell me if he died in the hosp that means they didn’t find him home dead or he didn’t die in the ambulance he passed away in the hospital and was there for over 24 hrs that’s all he could tell me legally. i still have so much guilt , I get angry at myself for loving.