"Happy late birthday to Ken, sorry I didn't see this post earlier. speaking by experience, my 1st hubby passed away 31 years ago but every year on his birthday I find myself being in a bad mood, and still doing the what ifs, although it does get…"
"So I did a thing today, I went back to work for the first time in 3 years, I had quit the year before Greg passed away, I think God was making sure we got extra time before he was gone, It was great to be out again even though I am exhausted and my…"
"I have to share this, I was sitting on my porch the other day watching the birds at my feeders and a dove flew up on the steps of my porch then to the floor of it, it walked around for a minute, mind you I am maybe 2 feet away, then it went to the…"
"Chuck, well said on knowing how our friends and family feel and the pain they are going thru at the continues cycly of life we all go thru. After Greg passed away many of my friends no longer contacted me nor me them as I was hurt they were not…"
"When my Greg passed away or minutes before he did I told him if he was around he would send a blue jay as he said he had never seen one in the wild. Since then Ive caught glimpses of one in my yard but never actually sure if it actually was one. 2…"
"hi Janet and welcome to our group, sorry for the reason but happy to have you. this is a great group of people that really care, its only been 2 years for me but seems like forever, there is a suicide group on this site too that you might be…"
"Mary Jane, I don't get on much anymore, sometimes it seems like a painful reminder, other times it makes me not feel alone. I just got back from a vacation up north to Canada and north and south Dakota, saw mount Rushmore and many wondeful…"
"Francis, I too am more of an introvert, my husband talked to anyone, I have a much harder time, its getting in the way of me doing volunteer work or getting a job to keep myself busy so I totally get it, none of us want to be judged but also think…"
"sitting here in tears this morning, my sister who is on vacation sent me a picture of her and her hubby playing dominoes,simple right? not so much, the four of us always went to Gatlingburg for New Years eve every year where they taught Greg and I…"
"My first husband was a Baptist minister but I was raised Catholic so talk about getting a new perspective, Im not sure about the reincarnation thing because if its true then we wouldn't feel our spouses energy would we? when my first…"
I identify with u i had two fiances that passed away in my life & I cant compare & wont because my first fiancé I knew was sick with COPD vet bad & he was very open about his death and he died in my arms in the hosp and I knew how he died plus he we were exactly like someone married we shared everything but morein the yrs i knew him and was with him more married than my marriage the only reason we we not married by the time of his death, his divorce had not gone thru yet & his wife was giving him a hard time but atleast i knew a love that i had and now 15 yrs later can finally say I was a very lucky woman to have known, felt, such love my fiancé that just passed away in Aug, 2017 died without me there. i still to this day do not know how he died (i was having surgery 300 miles away) & b4 I left he made it pretty clear he wanted me to leave after my surgery and came back The shock I felt when he died, the not knowing how and all the assuming (he had a bad heart & was supposed to get a pacemaker) one minute he would tell me how much he loved me and so many times he kept saying I want to marry u and even plan the date and were we would spend our honeymoon it was even as close as a month before his death. I do know this I loved both of them equally as much, and with my fiancé Frank, his death has me so confused, and wondering know if he ever loved me at all. Now after his death I see so many things he did for me that I never saw when he was alive but I don’t know if i’m just not dealing with all the hurtful things he said and did to me too. i don’t even at this point consider myself as his fiancé before he died i don’t know what he was now. We lived together for 2 yrs and the last time he proposed marriage i said let’s just do it, i knew in my gut something was going to happen i thought to me not him he was such a strong person and we are both not kids waiting im 67 soon to be 68 in April 3, and he was 65 going to be 66 on April 2nd two Aries oh boy we were supposed to get married in 2017 in April 3 but because of my surgery and him not wanting me anymore blaming me for his heart attack he had 3 wks before my surgery he was so angry at me and that i still don’t know why but now all i want to do is let him go, I’m getting so tired of grieving for him, I now still don’t have my apt anymore lost almost everything and I am not blaming him because I was the fool who loved him so much, and still do, but why?? It’s obvious to me he was either lying to me about loving me ever or I can’t even fathom and am still in shock but just want him out of my mind and get on with whatever life is left and have some joy because between both of my fiances there was such a major difference I think that with Frank I thought he would be like Al (my first fiancé) and show me all the love he had or had too much expectations but the nit knowing atleast how Frank died no one will tell me in his family I am trying for months to get his Death Certificate but i’m in nyc and was living in nys and it seems almost impossible to get one from the county up there that their laws are so different up there and searching and searching on the internet for something but they all want money and don’t promise results. I’m just getting very tired of all the researching when i should be grieving and moving on, i might never know, i’ve even thgt maybe it was suicide the last phone call i received from him the day before he died sounded very sick (i can’t share it now) but with his heart history i can only assume it was his heart and only know he died in the hospital. I even called the county coroner who shared with me he only investigates things like murders or deaths that r under investigations but did tell me if he died in the hosp that means they didn’t find him home dead or he didn’t die in the ambulance he passed away in the hospital and was there for over 24 hrs that’s all he could tell me legally. i still have so much guilt , I get angry at myself for loving.