I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died on Feb 27 2010 due to cancer. He suffered for a year due to it. I was taking care of him for this period and even left my job for 5 months.
I am 23 years old and trying to re orient myself to normal life again. It hurts like hell sometimes knowing he is gone and there are times when i cry myself to sleep. It feels like someone punched me in the stomach and i am trying to get back up.
I have accepted that he is gone and prefer it that way, in the sense, the pain he was in for a year was just not worth it. I love my dad but i realized it was his time to go because he was so sick and in so much pain. Because he was a very proud, strong, independent man and living dependent on others was just not for him.
He died with grace and dignity. He fought till the end. I miss him a lot.
I write letters to him all the time seeking his guidance and strength to help me get through this. I am back at work and trying to lead a normal life of a person in her 20s again. Going out with friends, figuring out life, dating etc, all feels very alien to me now but i am trying to get back to Life. My life.
I don't know if this helped, seems like i just rambled on. But just telling you, you aren't alone in your pain.
Hugs.