I am so sorry for your two losses Karen. I lost my big brother on April 23, 2012, I literally spent days wishing we could trade places if it would mean he would come back home. It is not fair, it is not right, it is devestating, depressing, it makes us angry, and such a tragedy for everyone. I didn't lose a neice like you did, but I did lose a sibling who meant so much to me. It feels like a part of me was ripped out and went with him when he died. I can tell you that I don't have the answers, but like you, I know I can't do this alone, and I haven't been here long on the site, but I am honestly giving it a try. When I walk out my front door, I walk into a world that keeps moving and going on with their happy little lives, when my world has stopped and I am the saddest I have ever been in my entire life. On the site, everyone has a loss, some very similar to our own, and can encourage and talk it through, and share how they feel, find people who actually understand, and can share how they honor their loved ones. Please know that we are all here for you. Message me or comment, anytime.