I got on Legacy when I was trying to find more support after losing my brother to suicide. He was 26yrs old and had lived with me for the last 10 months of his life. He was in the Marines for 8 yrs and finally had come home! I was out of town when I got the call from the police department. My brother shot himself in my house with my gun. Of course, my life totally flipped upside-down. Nothing has been the same since. After almost being a year, I think I'm finally working my way out of the darkness I've been in after losing him. I've never hurt so bad in my life as when I lost him.
I'm 23 yrs old and currently in nursing school! I did take a semester off after my brother's death and am only going part time now, because I mentally cannot handle the stress anymore. I did try to go back to school and was having panic attacks when a situation came up where I thought I'd have to speak about my loss. I had my huge break down on my birthday last year and finally got some help. I attended a few Survivors of Suicide support group meetings. They helped tremedously! I'm so thankful for the members who were able to share their story with me. It was amazing to hear others speak of emotions and thoughts that are running through your own mind. You're not alone in your loss, and some people REALLY, really do understand. I also saw a counselor for a while; her meetings became redundant and seemed like since she didn't know my brother, she had no idea about anything. She was going in the wrong direction for me, but it did help too to be able to talk with a complete stranger uninhibitedly.
I am open to talk to anyone about their loss and share stories or answer questions. I am on here to talk about my loss myself, and if talking about it can help anyone else, I'd be glad to help. I know from my own loss, I had some very dark days where I was ready to stop living myself. I have said before, I never understood how bad my brother was hurting until he was gone. There is so many thoughts and emotions that surrounding losing someone to suicide, I had to have helping hands to get through my grief. I have told some of my brother's friends, there is absolutely no shame in reaching out. I've learned, it's not better to suffer in silence, and through talking about my loss, I've met so many others who have had a similar loss and some I had known for years, but had no idea.
Getting wordy! Hope everyone is doing well and getting through minute by minute or month by month! However it's needed to be done; the sun does continue to shine :)