kat
  • Female
  • owasso, ok
  • United States
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  • Rebecca Morales
 

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A Tad Bit about Myself!

I got on Legacy when I was trying to find more support after losing my brother to suicide. He was 26yrs old and had lived with me for the last 10 months of his life. He was in the Marines for 8 yrs and finally had come home! I was out of town when I got the call from the police department. My brother shot himself in my house with my gun. Of course, my life totally flipped upside-down. Nothing has been the same since. After almost being a year, I think I'm finally working my way out of the darkness I've been in after losing him. I've never hurt so bad in my life as when I lost him.
I'm 23 yrs old and currently in nursing school! I did take a semester off after my brother's death and am only going part time now, because I mentally cannot handle the stress anymore. I did try to go back to school and was having panic attacks when a situation came up where I thought I'd have to speak about my loss. I had my huge break down on my birthday last year and finally got some help. I attended a few Survivors of Suicide support group meetings. They helped tremedously! I'm so thankful for the members who were able to share their story with me. It was amazing to hear others speak of emotions and thoughts that are running through your own mind. You're not alone in your loss, and some people REALLY, really do understand. I also saw a counselor for a while; her meetings became redundant and seemed like since she didn't know my brother, she had no idea about anything. She was going in the wrong direction for me, but it did help too to be able to talk with a complete stranger uninhibitedly.
I am open to talk to anyone about their loss and share stories or answer questions. I am on here to talk about my loss myself, and if talking about it can help anyone else, I'd be glad to help. I know from my own loss, I had some very dark days where I was ready to stop living myself. I have said before, I never understood how bad my brother was hurting until he was gone. There is so many thoughts and emotions that surrounding losing someone to suicide, I had to have helping hands to get through my grief. I have told some of my brother's friends, there is absolutely no shame in reaching out. I've learned, it's not better to suffer in silence, and through talking about my loss, I've met so many others who have had a similar loss and some I had known for years, but had no idea.
Getting wordy! Hope everyone is doing well and getting through minute by minute or month by month! However it's needed to be done; the sun does continue to shine :)

Kat's Blog

Children and Lost Loved Ones?

Posted on December 12, 2011 at 12:33am 0 Comments

I haven't wrote on here in a long time.  It's been 2.5 years since my brother's suicide and even after so much time passing it still feels unreal.  I have graduated college without the presence of my brother and had a daughter without Uncle Matt here.  My boyfriend has a friend named Matt and it seriously killed me to call him Uncle Matt to my daughter.  It kind of slipped out of my mouth and hurt so bad after I had said it.  I still miss my brother everyday and wonder where he would have…

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Hopelessness

Posted on June 13, 2010 at 1:43am 0 Comments

I think after my life turning upside down, and everything normal turned into abnormal, I think totally different now. I know before I used to have bad days, but robotically went through life to get to this point that I thought would bring me "happiness". My brother killed himself, because this place... either just gets further away, changes destinations, or when you reach the desination it isn't what you thought it would be. Hopelessness. This mental knowing that nothing will ever be calm and… Continue

Another life lost...

Posted on June 12, 2010 at 5:03am 0 Comments

Working at the hospital, especially in ICU and trauma ICU, I come across suicidal/suicide attempt/suicide succeeded patients and family frequently. I've only been able to talk about my own loss with patients/family a couple times, literally twice. I wish I could build myself up more to make a difference in someone's life and try to show them the light at the end of the tunnel or offer support in someway. This morning is one of those mornings that I can't decide whether to step out of my comfort… Continue

It's been almost one year...

Posted on May 25, 2010 at 3:00am 0 Comments

Over these last few months, I thought I'd finally gotten to a point where I was finding myself again. I haven't cried in months and been able to switch off my thoughts of you when they tried to consume me. I think with the aniversary of your death approaching this Thursday, I am unable to get you out of my mind. It still hurts so bad. You left me, and mom and dad. I just wonder if you knew everything that has happened since you left, would you have made the same decision? Do you still think the… Continue

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At 11:43pm on December 3, 2011, Rebecca Morales said…

Hi Kat, how you doing?   my brother will be gone on 1-31-11 1 year.   these holidays are the absolte worse...

 

 

At 9:53am on July 28, 2011, Lauren Gin said…

Hi Kat...are you still active on here?  I just lost my little brother last Wednesday. Its still a blur. I feel like this past week has been one day. I'm going to go to support groups and psychologists...but I would like to talk to you since you know what I'm going through.

Thanks,

Lauren

At 7:38pm on May 21, 2010, Vince said…
Kat- I just read about your brother and had to contact you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my brother 12/5/09 to suicide at 32yrs old he was my best friend and I am having a hard time trying to deal with it. The why's and if's are killing me. I'm just trying to stay positive minute to minute. I wish I could call him and hear his voice and laughter again. We all miss him so much. I'm trying to remember who I was before all this but can't it's just foggy. I could really use someone to talk to about a situation that knowone knows about unless your in it. I've realized it's not the years of your life that count, but the life in your years that mean everything. Hope you get this and contact me, I could use someone to share
At 11:33pm on February 25, 2010, PALMTREE said…
Kat - I know it has been a while since you posted this. I hope you are ok. I lost my brother in 2007 to suicide, and I was the last to see him, and he was desperate and shaky and I was so caught up in my own life that I didn't focus on him. Forever guilt, but it gets better each day as I learn to forgive myself and to focus on how I could have never changed his path. I hope you get this message, and maybe we could share stories.
 
 
 

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