Hey.. I was just reading over some old post and saw yours.. you said in reference to reliving the events of ones death, that we relive it over and over but they only live it once... I pray that is true.. I visualize his murder over and over in my head almost as if I were there.. I can hear the gun shots and I feel his pain, fear and his sorrow.. it hurts so bad to "know" what he went through... at the time the report was released, I thought I had to read every page.. I had to know exactly what did happen!! But at the end of the day, I think that gas hurt the most!! I have a CD made by the detectives on the scene that I can't bring myself to look at.. I saw one printed pic by accident and it was horrid!! I also had to identify him by a pic in the morge.. his eyes still haunt me!!! I just wish there was something we could do to take our / their pain away!!! Thank you!!
I am so sorry for your loss!!! Thank you for sharing with us!!! I lost my brother one year ago to murder!!!! That is the hardest thing I have ever been faced with and I deal with the pain daily!!! At first, my family didn't talk about him and that hurt do bad because I needed to.. I felt so alone, like no one in the world understood how I felt... it was so hard!! Luckily I found this site and was able to express my pain which in turn helped me to open that door for my family.... it is very important, atleast to me, to keep my brothers memory alive... I am so sorry ur family isn't there yet.. I pray they come around!!! Until they do, you have all of us by urside!!! Always, big hugs sweets
Good morning, Klynn. Thank you for writing to me about your sister. I am very sorry for your loss. This is exactly how I felt about going to other places to find a treatment for my sister, but I too and especially my sister knew it was too late. When the last doctor told us the treatment did not work and the cancer had spread, my sister just said "this is God's will", because according to all the research on my sister's type of cancer the last treatment should of beat it but it did not. I miss and cry for her every day still.
This must be very hard for you Barbara to still be there and have her gone. Everyone grieves so differently - your brother in law may still be in the the not believing it stages - or he may just be insensitive - could be a lot of things making him choose what he is right now. All you can do is what to you need to do for you to help you grieve, heal and move forward with as many of the good memories of your sister as you can hold onto.
Take some time to yourself after caring for your sister and get out of the house away from your b-in law for a bit. The hardest thing we have to do when we are caring for someone else and after we lose them is to care for ourselves just as well as we did them and sometimes we don't.
I am learning with my family that they will do/not do whatever they choose and they have to live with the memories of that - I can choose what helps me regardless of the choices they make and I can definitely live with that.
Klynn, sorry 4 ur loss your sister, i 2 am still griefing very mush so over the loss of my beloved sister, who passed 5/09 due 2 compcilations diabites.... and i am still residin in her home with my x-br-in-law as he proclaims! i am her caregiver n companion... shes my big sis, have 2 brothers,and i do agree its still hard 4 me 2 be able 2 talk about her even with my family n friends, even 2this day i never hear paul hr husband ops the widowed husband talk about her 2 me or his family n his children.... as a matter of fact hes only been 2 her grave once!!