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marlene westerlund
- Female
- Walnut Creek, CA
- United States
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much love and hugs to you
I have an unusual story. On Dec. 22, 2007, my husband of almost six years and I found out that we were expecting our first child. The pregnancy was going good until disaster struck. In the middle of June of 2008, when I was thirty weeks pregnant, we were told that my husband, Michael, had stage four lung cancer with less than a year to live. I was devastated. On June 26, Michael went into the Houston county hospital and spent one week there. Then, he was transferred to the Medical center of Central Georgia, He spent seven and a half weeks there and on Thursday, August 28, 2008, he was transferred to an in patient hospice. Our little girl, Michaela, was born on August 17, at the Medical Center of Central Georgia, Michael got to see her three times before she left the hospital. On August 31, two weeks after Michaela was born, Michael died at hospice. Now, I face live without my best friend and soul mate and as a single parent.
I lost my husband of 39 years last october.....He was diagnosed with lung and bile duct cancer in July and only lasted 3 months....He was physically and mentally in so much pain that we never had time to really talk or say good-bye...I lost the love of my life....Cancer robbed him of being a husband, papa, dad and friend to many....I still cry every night but not as much in the daytime...In the beginning I couldn't drive because of the tears...I can't tell you how to feel because we all grief differently but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers because I knowthere is a big whole your heart where your husband use to be....I keep my husbands memory alive on facebook....I write to him every day....It brings me peace...Here is one that I wrote the other day...."There is sacredness in tears...They are not the mark of weakness, but of power...They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues...They are the messengers of overwhelming grief and uspeakable love....Take Care...Denise MacCallum
My significant other Liza ( the brunette ) died in May of ovarian cancer- I did hospice care for her in our home...my mother died three months prior, also in hospice care. Hospice left me with a bottle of ativan and some xanax too...I took xanax for a week after Liza died so I could actually function-eg walk, talk and breathe-and I took ativan for three months to be able to sleep at night . I quit cold turkey one day when I realized it was keeping me from being able to dream about her and I needed to be able to grieve her 24 hours a day.
When I was a month out, I clawed and fumbled my way though every day. I have now survived four months and I have to say, I never thought it would be possible. I am still in an incredible amount of pain and have no peace around Liza's death whatsoever but I have at least regained a little more mental repose.
I hope you are doing as ok as you can . The magnitude of your loss is immeasurable. and if my experience is anything like yours, it will obliterate everything in its path for awhile. Just know that grief is a process and that you aren't alone. There are hundreds? thousands ? of us on this site, all grappling with a loss unlike anything we've ever known. it is decimating and terrifying. but you aren't alone. reach out however you can, be it here, or in your community or family or with hospice.Email me anytime.
BTW I am in LA. I relocated here in July from PA. I have no idea if you are geographically near me. but I am here .