Dearest Marybeth: Thank you so much for sharing your pain at the loss of your brother to AIDS. I am sorry and do understand. I am attempting to understand some things that people have told me. Whether this will help you or not I do not know. I was told that when we grieve for long periods of time like we are doing (you and me), we somehow hold our loved ones' spirits to the earthly plane and do not fully allow their spirits to let go into the fullness of their next "adventure." Of course I do not know that this is true, but I can sense that perhaps my sister and my mom may need to get on with their own afterlife just as I may need to get on "with my own life." This does not mean I love them any less of course, or miss them any less. It just means I have to let go of my grip on them a bit. Sometimes I can still hear my sister's laughter . . . or my mom telling me which ingredients to stick in a recipe . . . Laura