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July 5 2013....7 years ago......

the devastation of my life...


While I rushed down the street hoping it wasn't him, but knowing it was going to be him  who succumbed to the tragedy endured. 
The years of torture I put myself through, reliving the accident as it might have happened, the pain he must have felt before, during and after..

the devastation of my life...

I now visit the "site" every year on his death day and birthday. His friends and family members come to remember   ...

  Grief is an emotional journey that I am still experiencing. The nineteen years of life I enjoyed with Jimmy Beltz gave me so many memories, that

the devastation of my life....was worth it


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At 1:42pm on October 7, 2012, Tami said…
Hi Marybeth, I'm doing ok! How about you? Thank you for all of your kind words, I feel the same, I'm glad that I had a place to go everyday to vent, I tried the meetings but once or twice a month was not enough, I needed someplace I could be every single day, 24/7! It is so sad that we have so many members, just glad they have found us. We are all a team. I don't think people realize they need to vent until they come here and we encourage them, I always ask them to just let their feelings out, I don't care if they have to cuss up a storm if that is how they are feeling! Take care my friend, lots of love and many hugs going your way!
At 4:50pm on December 21, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi Marybeth thanks for writing and merry christmas to you. I guess that is why i am here. facebook i haven't tried and i haven't tried the grief support groups like compassionate friends it will all make me cry. as we will forever for the loss is so devestating. I have a little support. need a lot more but need to just live. there is nothing i can do. except live. crying will be a part of my living now. for everyone everyone reminds. me. and why not he was a part of me. love to us and everyone who needs love. carrie L

At 11:52am on December 18, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi Marybeth, Hope you are ok. my son is also gone. and i hate to even talk like that. but it is true and we are on this journey unfortunately together. what we feel is real it is constant and forever. i will never stop grieving the loss of my son. never. how could i he was me I bore him into this world. He laughed a lot he loved life. He is .... I am sorry for our losses. and our life without our beautiful sons. sons are a beautiful miraculous being. they make our lives complete. without them is without us.... love to you and hope you have an ok holiday carrie L

At 4:09pm on April 21, 2010, jeremys mom said…

Thank you so much for reading my story and your sweet comments about my son Jeremy. He was a very caring father, son and brother. We all miss him so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your son Jim. Like you I also tormented myself about what Jeremy was thinking or feeling during the accident. Was he conscious as he was being dragged under that truck, was he in pain, did he know he was dying? Fortunately one of his good friends was right behind him and him and his girlfriend stayed with him and held his hand until he was taken in the ambulance to the hospital. It's coming up on 2 years for me now and somedays it's still like it happened yesterday. It's so hard to think of the many years ahead without my son. My remaining son is moving to Idaho next week with his family and it's starting to sink in that I will be without both my boys this Mother's Day. The next month and 1/2 are going to be tough. Bless you Marybeth, hugs and peace to you.
At 10:15pm on April 19, 2010, Jan Kay Keen said…
I'm shocked at how many kids in my neighorhood have lost their lives in the spring...let alone mine. My own neighbor just admitted to me that she never thought about me losing my son till she lost hers. I think to myself that I was probably about that unfeeling till it happened to me too. The only way a person CAN handle this is to hope, pray and plan to seeing them again in Heaven. Jan
At 3:28pm on April 18, 2010, Carrie L said…
I am sorry for the loss of your son. I share your feelings and wishes. Never ever forget or let it interfere with the other people you love love is precious Carrie L
At 2:15am on February 1, 2010, Heather said…
Marybeth I Lost My Only Son His Girlfriend & Theire Friend it will B a year 2/12/10 in a Tragic Car Accident & writting Does Help...I wrote this for Him & Posted it on His Myspace & Facebook & His Webpage...It Might Help U..I Hope...WHAT MATTERS IS NOT THE DURATION OF YOUR LIFE, BUT THE DONATION OF YOUR LIFE,NOT HOW LONG YOU LIVED, BUT HOW U LIVED...& U DONATED 2 MANY OF US WHILE U WERE HERE EVEN THOUGH U WERE HERE FOR JUST A SHORT TIME, SOME OF US R HERE BECAUSE OF U...WE THANK U..& WE MISS U ALL EVERY DAY...Marybeth my heart goes out 2 U & yours...Heather
At 8:34am on January 16, 2010, Michelle Delatorre said…
I wonder the same things...did she suffer? Was someone there to hold her? It is heartbreaking every day....
At 7:20pm on January 15, 2010, emily said…
thanks, i am assuming u lost a child as well i am so sorry for your loss
At 10:52am on January 5, 2010, Heidi Goodwin said…
Marybeth, I've read so many entries, but somehow yours really spoke to me. I feel the same way. I listen to the radio and hear the songs Ryan sang along to. I take my daughters to American Eagle and see the kind of clothing that Ryan liked to wear. He was so tall (6'4") that I looked for sales wherever I went on stuff that would fit him. I go to make dinner and I can't even cook my old standby's because they remind me of him. I smell his cologne. I see other families looking so normal and happy. Does this pain ever end? I'm so tired of crying and hurting and feeling lost. I can't even watch my old favorite TV shows because death is portrayed so...I don't even know how to describe it...common...everyday (which it is) but so unfeelingly (is that even a word?). They never show what it DOES to families - to Mom's. We carried these babies, sat up with them all night when they were sick, kissed their cuts and scrapes, attended all their school and sporting events, cheered for them, cried for and with them...and now it's just all gone in an instant. I obsess about whether or not he went to heaven. I'm rambling...but I just hurt so bad all of the time...I have to get it all out somehow.

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