rhonda
  • Female
  • crossville,tn
  • United States
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At 11:40pm on November 26, 2009, Kathy Mook said…
Hi Rhonda, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Scott. When I read on the main wall and see someone I don't recall sharing with, I go to their page and I'm so awed at how God is leading me to Christians. I would also like to say that we all deal with things we should have said or done for them. For me, Jon was my 1st child and I had just turned 17 when he was born. His dad and I married when I was 16 and we divorced when Jon was 7. Jon and I had complications during his birth and he ended up with Cerebral Palsy. He couldn't walk at all, or talk very well and required someone to feed him and help him in the bathroom etc. but he was very happy and bright. When we divorced, I knew Jon would not be able to handle the change with me going to work and not knowing how long I would be anywhere. So my exhusband's parents raised Jon. When he was dying all that guilt of abandoning him just flooded my mind. It was for him that I gave in for that arrangement because they were very stable and Christian also. Jon had been in and out of the hospital so many times for stitches(1or 2)from falling over and hitting his head. He could crawl around home. We got a call tell us that Jon was in the hospital, that he had choked on some food but he was ok. They were just going to keep him another day because he wasn't waking up from meds like they wanted him to. When I got there they told me he was brain dead and that his heart had stopped for 9 minutes. It only took 4 minutes without oxygen for all his physical handicap and we couldn't bear to think what 9 more minutes would have done to him.I said all that to say, because I wasn't there for my son growing up like other Moms,(I was always a part of his life but it's not the same as being there) I could not leave him until he was gone. It was very difficult seeing him laying there, looking asleep but I couldn't wake him. The Lord kept bringing me to Jon's hands because they were open, like the CP was gone. I still have guilt I'm dealing with and even some resentment issues with my husband but I know the Lord will walk me through this valley just as He has every other valley in my life. I honestly feel the pain for those who don't have the Lord to help them. I don't understand why things happen the way the do but I trust in the One who does. Please pray for me and I'll pray for you, as well as everyone else going down this sad road. Blessings
At 2:53am on November 8, 2009, Leslie L. Fiorda said…
Dear Rhonda,
I was gone for a few days, I was almost having with-draws; from not being able to get on my computer to this site. I wanted you to know I did get your message.
You know, in my begining; (of when Jordan first passed), I felt guilty about everything. I felt like you do...(I was the ONLY one that was ever there for him) and I was the first one to always be there...fix his boo-boo's. One of the hardest phases I went through, was forgiving myself. It sounds like a cliche, but it is true. I was teaching the youth group at our church at the time of Jordan's accident. Because of the fact we rent a church, while ours is being built, our church didn't start until 2:00 pm in the afternoon. We always take prayer requests as soon as we start. My sons accident took place at 2:13 pm. They asked...."Anyone have prayer requests"? I just sat there...I even thought about it...I talked myself out of it, thinking-... "my kids are doing pretty good, they are okay". And every week...without fail, I always prayed for them in church. Not that day....why? I went over and over it in my head...why didn't I ask for prayer for him...I always do. I still feel sick inside when I think about it. I know he is okay...but am I? Well...not yet, but we can get there. I am sorry you are hurting, and like I said; I have to believe his time (Jordan's) was set from the begining. Other wise, just plain guilt would eat me alive. I am happy you are a Christian...I feel so regrettabley bad for those, like us who have lost a child,...and have no hope. Praise God...we have hope. And we have each other {and this site}, to talk to if you need me, do not hesitate. I am praying for you, and grieving with you.....Leslie
At 2:10am on October 31, 2009, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Rhonda,Cassie on the front page lost her daughter Brittany to this Illness.Pls.know that God received your child & as you cry we all cry for many times our joy flows thru our tears as they refresh our souls.
At 10:17pm on October 27, 2009, Leslie L. Fiorda said…
Dear Rhonda,
This is the worest thing we will ever go though, and expect to get over. We will never get over it...BUT WE WILL GET THROUGH IT!
I felt , as you do...like I am dying. I did not want to feel this way, I just did/do. I didn't want to die; but I didn't feel like I was going to survive. I have three children...one is with Jesus. My daughter even said to me at one time..."why don't you think about us instead of Jordan all the time."
I was shocked...but how would she know what I was feeling. My children were/are my life, and now 1/3rd of my life is gone. I look back now, and wonder why "THAT" didn't put me over the edge.......... But you know what saved me every time? It was the thought that if I don't do well, that Jordan would feel responcible. I have to do good...I promised Jordan I would.
Are you a Christian, hun? I am, and Jordan {is}. I was asked by a friend who stayed with me the night he died, she asked..."how can you not blame God"? And I said I am not blaming God, I am praising God. I said...He didn't TAKE my son, He RECIEVED my son.
I didn't blame Him, though I wondered how people can make it..not having any hope. I mean, as hard as it is for me, I thought, how sad for those who don't have hope. All I know, is, yes my son is happy, and he'll be waiting for me when I get there...when it is my time. I wrote a poem on his memoriel card, this is what it said....

I drempt I saw an angel,
He stood about six foot four,
I never saw St. Peter,
He didn't work there any more.
But at the gates of Heaven
Stood this tall and mighty being.
He watched as people entered,
Checking the book with all their names.
He was waiting with anticapation,
As if he couldn't wait to see.
The lines were long, but he still stood strong,
And I wondered what it could be.
And I asked the Lord with-in my dream,
What excites him so,
And the Lord, He spoke to me, saying,
"My Dear Child, don't you know?"
When this young man came to me,
He asked for this job to take.
He gave me precious reasons,
To help me at these gates.
He said to me..."St. Peter,
He must be tired now,
And I would love this job,
If you'd only show me how".
He said he left home early,
Left his family and his friends.
And he would be indebted...
If he could welcome them.
**********************
I believe my son still has the same personality as he did here on Earth. And if there is/was a way to take that job over.... he will/would find it. I am praying for you; just know I am also grieving with you. God Bless You my friend.....Leslie
 
 
 

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