I would think you feel very lost right now and I wish there were words to fix that but unfortunately there is not. I lost my mom 12/14/08 of cancer as well. she would have been 57 on 1/31/08. I feel so lost too. Even though she was not part of my life like your husband was, she was a large part of my life for 39 years. I see something and I want to call her. Going to the Dollar store is unbearable and I had changed jobs to take care of her for the last few months of her life and now I have all this "free time" that was for 24 hour care for her and now I stand sometimes in the bedroom she was and died in and think, ok now what? my thoughts are with you. 35 yr habits will hard to break.
i am sorry for your lose and after living at the hosptial for a month and a half fighting to keep my husband alive and thinking i was going to loose him i can feel you pain. my husband is ok. i lost my son jan 19 08 and it feel like yeaterday ive lost my brother is 84 and my dad in 05. i feel the pain everyday when i want to visit them and they are not here. call me crazy but i yell at them and talk like they are sitting here. it helps. im here to talk if you need to. one thing about death it leaves a scar that never goes away.
I am also sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a loved one is harder than a friend. I hope you are doing ok. And 35 years is a long time. I ope when i get married i am with that person for a really long time. Love is the strongest bond between two people.