Sharon, it is pretty normal for it all to go to pieces at this time, you do take some backwards steps. You are pretty much where I am now and seven months is not really very long. You've had time to start coming out of shock and so you are face to face with reality and you are also tired from all you have been through over the preceeding months. Your defenses are down. I know am there right now. Say a prayer for me and I'll say one for you.
well, It's been 5 months since I looked at my husbands face, held his hand, kissed him. I don't know how time keeps marching on I feel like when he died as least for a few minutes the world should have just stopped there. I see him everywhere I look. In his favorite chair, in the bedroom, no, I'm not going nuts I know he isn't there but I see what once was I assume. Nights are my worse, I am thinking it's probably the same for most of you. I set here in the dark, crying or talking. Up in bed, I hate turning out the light. I'm not scared of anything I just remember he slept with the TV on every night for so many months. I miss him so much more today after 5 months then I did before. Maybe shock and denial was what I was living in, maybe?
There's those little words again that haunt me, IF ONLY? You can't change it or get another chance to do it different but God I'd love to say just a few more things. Dream on HUH?
Peace doesn't come easy, it's so hard to let go and let life go on cause we are now living another life then we knew. I was married 45 years, knew him 48, OMG he was and still is my whole life.
Hi Sharon, I know what you are saying, I go to the cemetary every day just to feel close to my husband. He left us on Aug. 5, 2009 and I live that day over and over every day, I never had a chance to say good bye to him, I go to his grave, and cry and scream and ask God why he took him but left so many evil people here on earth. I am putting myself in God's hands, all you have to do is ask and God will help you find peace. I am praying for you.
Sharon - I certainly wish I could help you in this time of sorrow for you. I sat this morning and watched a DVD that was played at my husband's memorial service a couple of times. Even though it made me cry, I also know that I'm looking at his life from a young boy to a grandfather. It makes me realize that I was so very fortunate to be his wife and married to him for 37 years. He was cremated so he's actually in the house with me and there are times when we have a little talk. I find that I have a lot of comfort in knowing that I did everything I could to keep him at home when he was ill. I remember sitting beside his hospital bed in our living room and telling him that I was scared. He told me that I shouldn't be because he was going to a better place. I have a son who is my rock. I will say my prayers that you will find each day a blessing & don't try to look beyond the minute that you're in. Please let me know if there's anything that I can do to help.
sharon i agree with you i never go by myself to the grave because i know myself. when i do go with my sister and her friend i just cry and cry hug the gravestone and cry more.why why did you to this to me i know i will never get over what had happened to me and others i read many comments about other people spouses and i feel boy my husband did not suffer he died very quickley i am sorry for all the people that lost husbands and wifes to cancer car accidents i question god many times.but still no answer. this weekend i did not sleep much i went into my husband computer room and slept this was the best sleep i have had i would say 2 to 3 days.i guess there is nothing we can do except pray they are with the maker looking down and watching over us
I went to my husbands grave today. I felt like I was the only one there in the whole place. As I stood there looking down I see where the dirt is still not filled in right, sinkholes all over. I understand it's been cold, rainy,but looking at it made me cry so hard I thought I'd faint right there on top of it. I wanted to scream his name but if anyone was near, I'm sure they would have called the men in white coats to come get me! I had to sit in the car waiting till I could stop crying so I could drive home. Like I said before there is no lonelyer place then at the head of a tombstone of your beloved. It's been 4 months I still feel each day is worse or should I say, more real? It is over, he is gone, my life as I knew it for all those 40 some years has ended. He was my life I guess he still is cause I can't let go. Sleep for me comes in differnt times, mostly at night I stay on here, during the day I seem to be slipping off trying to forget what I use to do everyday for one year. Now it's just crying! I'm so sorry here, I'm down and I pray I'm not bring any of you down more then you already are, take care my friends cause you guys are here, you're the only ones who understand whaty I'm saying, how I feel and how much this pain is killing me a lit' bit more each day.
My husband passed away on March 15, 2010. It's not been quite as long as your loss. I have a dachshund that gives me comfort, believe it or not. I also get outside and take a walk that seems to help me rather than sitting inside. I live in Illinois but am from West Virginia and just came back home from taking a short trip back to my hills to see my family and my in-laws. We were married for 37 years last November. I just keep thinking of all the good times that we had and during the last month or so of his life, we had hospice here at home. I am so thankful that I could keep him in the place that he loved more than anywhere else. If you would like to contact me on my home e-mail, it's firstname.lastname@example.org
Maybe it would help to have someone else to talk with beside family. I often find that someone who wasn't involved in the actual situation is the best place to go.
I do, however, understand your huge feeling of loss.
My deepest sympathy to you on your profound loss. What I have found in my journey is that what you are experiencing is not unusual in any way. You will have many times like this as you go through this. I would recommend you contact your hospice to see about any support groups they offer. I can tell you first hand they helped me, if just because of the fact that I found out I was not alone and had others to share the journey with me. Please keep in touch on here we all know and care.