s l watson
  • Female
  • Swansboro, NC
  • United States
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I'm slowly coming to terms with losing Mama.  I miss her so much and tomorrow, Jan. 13 is her birthday.  She would be 96.  If she could have lived another four weeks we could celebrate with her. I look back on the last few weeks and months of her life and I do see a steep decline.  I especially notice it now when I look at photographs.  I just wish she had passd peacefully in her sleep.  The final week of her life was so hard....for us and for her.  Sitting by watching them leave this world a little each day is terrible and all we can offer is our words, our touch and morphine.  I so hope we made the right choices.  She was clear about her desire to not have a feeding tube so we really made the only choice we could make.  Caring for her was never easy and it remained difficult to the end.  But I did it with love.

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At 10:22pm on October 7, 2012, Marie said…

Hello Sara,

I understand exactly how you feel, but you have nothing to feel guilty for. The choices were not your choices but hers. You were doing exactly what your mother wanted. I understand the helplessness and sadness and guilt; my mom passed away in August and I am still trying to understand it. But, reading your post, I saw needless guilt. You're right that everyone takes that journey alone, but you did EVERYTHING you could do to make it easier for your mother. It is one of the saddest realities of life, but you have no reason to bring guilt into it as well. You did the best that you could do.

At 11:32am on August 19, 2012, Kim Hopkins said…

Hi S L Watson,

I rarely make comments on threads because sometimes I just don't have any words to say...we are all on here due to the pain and void that a loved ones passing has caused us, but after reading your post I felt lead in my spirit to write to you. I do understand the loss of a parent as I've lost my Dad almost 1 year ago. He was a young 62 years old, no illnesses, no long suffering...he had a massive heart attack, so he went quickly. I can only imagine being a care giver to a parent who is physically ill and then to top it off with dementia and the realization that a parent would not recognize their own child, would almost seem like 2 deaths....the death of your relationship when she stopped remembering and the actually physical death of the body. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. But, I wanted to say this to you. Although I am not a mother, I often hear mothers say that when they became mothers that they wished parenting came with a handbook, because they seem to never feel competent. Babies have all kinds of injuries (i.e. bumps, bruises, and broken bones) from falls, allergic reactions to foods, medical problems in which parents feel helpless. I often hear of the regrets and wonder of whether they were good parents/caregivers. I said all of this to say to you, that YOU did the best you could. Life is filled with would haves, could haves, and should haves. We are all imperfect beings with perfect ideals that can never be lived up too. On the surface it seems as though we are set up for failure in this sense....but life isn't about having this perfect ideal, it's about love and doing the best you can in life, learning and growing...and you my dear Loved your mom and did the best you could. Of course you'll always feel that you could've done more...but could you? Remember imperfect beings and perfect ideals are opposites that will never meet, you'll try to catch up to it and may get close and just when you thought that you have caught up to it (the perfect world (ideal)) will move out of your grasp again, I think that this is life's way of teaching us that we are always the (imperfect) student, always learning and growing, and there is but one (perfect) teacher, Our heavenly Father. The best you can do, is do the best you can and feel satisfied in the love and nurture that you gave to her, as she at one time gave to you when you were her babe...I'm sure she didn't have all the answers either, but I'm guessing she did the best she could and look what a wonderful daughter you turned out to be. I hope I've given you some encouragement today. May you have peace in your spirit about the time you had with her and live out the rest of your days loving, growing, learning and doing the best that you can.

Many Blessings,

Kim

At 9:53pm on March 14, 2011, Kari said…

Hi  s I watson,

I read a comment of yours last month about a book called 

"In Lieu Of Flowers"  By Nancy Cobb

It was a very good book to read.

I borrowed it from my grief support group library three weeks ago and read it twice. 

I just wanted to thank you very much for sharing that information on this website.

Kari

At 9:34pm on February 8, 2011, Diane Gordon said…
My mom also had dementia.  She died two months before her 94th birthday.  Her dementia advanced very rapidly.  It has been one month today since her death.  I can't imagine ever feeling real happiness again. There is a void in my life.  I only go through the motions of living.  My mom suffered for five weeks before her earthly journey ended.  I can't change the events leading to her death, but I'll regret many things that should have been done differently for the rest of my life.
At 6:56am on February 2, 2011, DALE S. said…

HI S L WATSON,

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CARRY ON, ONE DAY AT A TIME .IT IS NOT GETTING BETTER FOR ME IN SOME AREAS.BUT WHAT CAN WE DO ? IM NOT GOING TO OVERWHELM MYSELF WITH ANYTHING NEGATIVE INVOLVING MY LOSS.DONT MAKE THINGS HARDER ON YOURSELF WITH WORRIES AND CONFUSION.BUILD ON HEALING AND GROWING STRONGER ,I HAVENT GOT TO TAXES FOR MOM ,IN MY BOOK , THERE IS NO MORE TAXES . DONT EVEN GO THERE I. R. S. .IM STILL EMPTY,LONELY,ANGRY,CONFUSED, AND LOSING SOME FAITH. WENT TO CHURCH SUNDAY FOR SOME KIND OF RELEASE,IVE FOUND A COUPLE ,THAT ARE PASTORS.AND IT SEEMS LIKE GOD IS SPEAKING TO ME , THROUGH THEM BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY ARE RELATING TO.ITS ONE OF THE RARE THINGS THAT EVEN MOVE ME LATELY .BUT I KNOW OUR LOST LOVED ONES WANT US TO BE HAPPY IN OUR TIME LEFT HERE . FOR SOMEDAY WE WILL JOIN THEM, AND ALL OUR ISSUES WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF .MAY YOU PROSPER IN YOUR GOALS , AND MAY GOD STRENTHEN AND GUIDE YOU.  YOUR FRIEND DALE S .

At 9:14pm on December 28, 2010, Diamond said…
Hello SI Watson,
I understand and hear your pain. You loved your mother and now you need to come to terms with her death. Hold onto the love you have for your mother. And be especially proud that you were her Caretaker - such a selfless role, You should be proud of yourself - God understand your pain and hear your crys at night,
Now ,,,,,allow God to help heal your heart (Proverbs 3:5,6). You take care -ease into each day with love given to you by your mother and God!!
At 8:18pm on December 28, 2010, Diamond said…

Hello SI Watson,

Do not rob yourself of the joy of cherishing the thoughts of your mother.  You were at a point where your health was in danger - You obviously loved your mother and did as commanded at Exodus 20:12- to "honor your parents." 

You did keep your mother safe - she is no longer in pain and she is resting,  (Ecclesiastes 9:5),  You were obviously tired and did not have the energy to even care for yourself.  Your mother is just in a deep sleep - and she is in God's Memory.  You can not hold yourself guilty of what happen as it happened in it own time not yours.  (Ecclesiastes 9:11). 

Just take a look of some of her former pictures and smile and remember the good times.  Relax and just realize that she is at peace - no more suffering. 

Just get rid of the guilt - you gave a big part of yourself to the care of your mother.  You did not turn your back on your mother. You were there for her - and you will be blessed for given up a big part of your life for your mother, 

Do take care!!!!

At 3:02am on December 19, 2010, DALE S. said…

im sorry for your loss .my name is dale,i lost my mother dec.8 she also caught pneumonia.i read your story and i had to respond.i feel for you because i took care of my mom too.i the first 3-days i struggled with the blame thing , did i do enough, did i let mom down? and then i learned from other group members , that you and i know we did all we could , and our mothers and god are very proud of us .  also i had a few rare moments with her ,and i felt her peace , so dont forget, ever, those last special moments because that is what you can build on ! also let out any deep down sorrow that says let me out !its healthy to cry . the louder the better. i am here for   you . its a good feeling knowing someone is thinking and praying for you and your mom . so stay positive . keep responding , i promise god will lead and guide you ,your new friend  DALE S .

 
 
 

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