Hi Tammy, I feel so badly. I just saw the friend request you sent me last year. I don't know how to use this web site so I didn't know it was there. How are you doing, hon? Just so you know, I am so much stronger now. My family never did "get it", and I have gone on and become strong through the means I have: my husband, my friends, my therapist, and most of all, my faith in God. I tell you, that too was rocked, but I held fast. It has now been 1-1/2 years since my sister's suicide, and I admit I still have moments of anger. But overall, I am at peace because I understand it was her choice, not mine. She chose her destiny, not me. If it were my choice, she would still be here. But I must trust God almighty, that He has her in His capable hands, and He has me too in His capable hands. My family? Well, they too make their own choices; I have chosen to let them live their lives without me trying to make them into something they are not and will never be (ie, a loving, sharing family). I guess you could say, I am on my own in a way. I have grown up, I am a true adult. Most of all, I am happy. That is what counts most. I hope you see this message, and that you feel compelled to write. I sure would like to know how you are coming along.
I couldn't imagine not getting that last goodbye. I offer an option for you to try. To help you get closure. On my Brother's Angel Anniversary. I get a balloon, I write a message to him on it and send it up. I invite close friends they send balloons with messages up also. I wouldn't advise doing it alone. It seems like such a small thing but it's very emotional and powerful. I imagine for you it would be tenfold what I've experienced. I hope you can get as much help from this kind of memorial as it gives me and my family. I hope you can find some type of closure. And let go of your anger at those who didn't tell you. Life is for those who are living. So don't treat those close to you badly. It will only make you feel worse. You just need to focus on your grieving process. Wish you well.
I am so sorry Tammy, I understand your pain we all do. Its the mos horrible experience to lose a brother or sister. I miss my sis so much I cry everyday, its been 6 months and Christmas is coming real soon. Please get help from someone you trust, someone you can talk to. We are here for you, this is a long process I know I will never forget. Ivette was my only sister, my baby sister I say baby sister cause I was 15 years older than her. I was supposed to go before her, she was to speak at my wake. I hate going thru this it so painful, mom has pictures of her everywhere, she was so photogenic. If you need to talk I am here, blessings to you sweetie.
I feel your pain. I lost my sister to suicide last February, and my father to suicide 4 years ago. Since my sister died, no one tells me why, nor do they share anything about her with me. I am totally in the dark about it, like you. My mother and my brothers have all rejected me for no apparent reason, and my mom won"t even answer my emails asking for a resolution. And I am totally in pain about it, just like you. Girl, there is no quick answer to your problem. I found solace in my husband and my friends, and a trusted therapist (she charges me next to nothing so I can afford it). Also I cling tight to my faith that God will prevail for the good. There is a Master Plan, we just don't know what it is. Hold tight, and keep praying, and in time the truth will unfold. I don't know if I am any help because I am right in the middle of going through it, just like you. But you can take heart that there are people out here, just like you, hurting and confused. I join you in your pain, and I hope my words can be a strength to you.
Tammy, in reading your post I see you have so much to deal with! How does one even start a "healing process" when you have no idea where to start! First, I am so sorry you are going through this, to many times for one person to deal with. Secondly, I understand you wanting to do something to honor your sister at the time of her cremation. Who know's why your Dad denied you this! It has only brought you more heartache. I only wish I had an answer for you. I just wanted to tell you, I completely understand where you're coming from. You are never alone when you come to this site.