Tim ... I am so very sorry for your loss, but you have come to a wonderful forum that will pick you up when you are down and we are all extended on family here and know just how you feel as we are all in different stages of our grief.
My husband passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer at 65 years of age. We had very little warning and he was always so healthy. Now that I am into my second year of grieving it is a reality check that I have to face, but I do have some good days and find I am so lucky to have loved such a wonderful man and been loved back and have those memories to hold close to my heart. I know that doesn't seem to help when one's grief is raw, but it is time that heals and they will always be a part of our hearts, but we have to live on in their memory and take the wonderful things of life they taught us and it pass it onto others.
I know that at times I feel I am almost 'there' and on my to reinvent myself in this strange new world I'm in without my beloved and suddenly I get blind-sided by a deep sorrow that he is no longer here and the battle starts. It's a roller coast ride, but it will end. For some reason we manage to survive and our loved ones are at peace and without pain and I do believe they are around us and watching over us.
Hang in there Tim and lean on us and we'll all conquer this pain of grief.
Tim, sorry for your loss. I'm in my 10th month since I lost the love of my life. We were married for 34 years. Maria did from non smokers lung cancer. She fought for 50 months before LC could not be contained. Some days I just cry my eyes out & I try to concentrate on fact Maria's healed & happy in Heaven. But I still miss her & realize I 'm here alone & must be as brave as I can for Maria. I'll say a prayer for you.