Had the worst day in weeks today. Just got to the point where I completely didn't care about anything. Work, my job, keeping my job, the house, the chores, anything. I considered just walking out on my job and not caring about the consequences. I fought through it, eventually, and the afternoon was a little better. Hearing the thunder (instead of just the boring, grey, drizzly rain we've had) actually helped... I hope we have more thunderstorms soon. Nothing destructive, but something… Continue

Tired of this rollercoaster now. My brother was in town for a couple of days, and while he was here I was fine. I could think about Dan without it hurting so much, and put up the front that I was "okay" well enough that I felt okay for a little bit. Until I had to drop my brother off at the airport - the airport where Dan worked. Gods, what am I going to do if every time I go to the airport I lose it?



I wen tto my group after I dropped my brother off, but there was someone using our… Continue

Today was actually a pretty good day. I don't know if it was a sense of calm from having one more question answered, or if it was the face that it was the third day in a row of sunshine, but whatever it was, I was in a good mood practically all day, was focused and productive, and was in good spirits. I even went to dance class tonight (which I haven't done since I lost Dan), and while I'm stiff and sore, I'm still relatively content. I only lost it for a second at class, then was able to flow… Continue

I got the ME report today. It lists the Cause of Death as "Lobar Pneumonia". The report said "Bilateral lower lobe pneumonia", which is bizarre because he wasn't even coughing on Monday, yet he died Tuesday morning. Not that I'm disputing the findings - based on what the autopsy report said, I can accept that as the cause. It doesn't say what caused the pneumonia, but based on how fast it happened and the reading I've done online, I'm guessing it was bacterial. I'm going to my doctor's office… Continue

Today is six weeks since Dan died. Today sucked. I couldn't sleep last night, and ended up not going in to work today. I miss him so much. I've tried to be strong and tried to go on and tried to keep going and I evidently have a lot of people fooled into thinking I'm doing well and that I'm so strong. Bullhockey. I'm hanging on by my fingernails - or at least I would be if I hadn't bitten all my fingernails off. I don't know if it's that it's Tuesday and I hate Tuesdays, or if it's rebound from… Continue