Alaine dougherty's Blog (11)

one year

july 24...one year since michael died...it doesn't seem possible...my heart still aches...i still wait for his phone calls, our dances, our vacations, our "little book club", picking out his clothes for work, sharing lunch and dinner together. the list is endless. i am out there trying to learn how to live life as a "single" person. i really have no idea since i met michael when i was 17. the house doesn't get messed up, less laundry to do, less food to buy...i try to make all that a positive… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on July 10, 2010 at 11:21am — 1 Comment

dancing

i soooooooooooooooooo miss dancing with michael

Added by alaine dougherty on May 18, 2010 at 11:15pm — No Comments

wedding anniversary

may 22 will be thirty four years since we were married...seems like yesterday...may 24 will be ten months since michael died...seems like yesterday...time is so weird...the finality of death is so unreal...i will never get used to this...how can it all be over when it seems like it just started

Added by alaine dougherty on May 18, 2010 at 11:14pm — No Comments

it seems to be getting harder...

i have such a heavy, so so sad feeling for days now...i continue to live life but not really...i just do what i needs to be done (or so i think)...but the sadness is always there. my heart feels like a cinderblock...time...that is what most people tell me that have experienced any kind of death...i am waiting...my sadness today is almost worse than last july 24, 2009 because the shock has worn off and reality has set in. i look everyday for something to make me laugh or just smile...i look for… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on May 3, 2010 at 9:14am — No Comments

why nine months is hard

with some input from a friend i just figured out why nine months has been so hard...as i said...you can have a baby or you can plan a wedding in nine months...in other words, you can begin a life in nine months...for me, i have had to say good bye to a life. i just didn't realize that was what i must have been thinking until a friend pointed it out to me...thank you to my friend...i am a little calmer now because it makes perfect sense to me about why nine months was rattling me so much. i know… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on April 25, 2010 at 2:13pm — No Comments

nine months

yesterday was nine months since michael died. it has been a hard week leading up to yesterday. i am not sure why nine months seems to bother me so much...maybe because you have a baby in nine months...maybe because you can plan a wedding in nine months...maybe because in three months it will be a year since michael died. a year! i must be stuck in a time warp because it still feels like it happened yesterday. maybe that is what happens when it is a sudden death like michael's was. i just don't… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on April 25, 2010 at 10:24am — No Comments

grief is real

it has been eight and a half months since my very healthy husband died unexpectedly. everyone here somehow helps me know that what i am going through is what i am supposed to be going through. the coronor that dealt with my husbands death said that grief is real and we have to feel it. we have all had our worlds turned upside down and for most of us that is not what we planned. i have decided that the "one day at a time" theme is a good one because that really is what life is all about no… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on April 11, 2010 at 2:27pm — No Comments

gotta deal with the pain

i have tried to make it easier for myself but there is no getting around it......after spending 35 years with one person there isn't much that he isn't a part of in my life. as far as sleep goes...well i take it when i can get it...sleep wasn't an easy thing for me before...it is even harder now...as an army brat i had to adjust to new situations on a regular basis so i have pulled on those strengths to keep me going. i still love life but i miss michael terribly. we were together alot because… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on April 7, 2010 at 4:30pm — 1 Comment

sorrow

i am just not sure how i can explain my sorrow...it is like a shadow of sadness that is with me all the time because most everything i do had a connection to michael. i go to yoga, belly dance, jazzercise, the women's club, lunch with friends, visit with the kids, take care of the house, yard, go to talk therapy, read grieving books and regular books, went to a grief group, joined an online grief group, talk with other widows that i know or have met. i try to listen to what my body tells me and… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on April 7, 2010 at 4:26pm — No Comments

another "first"

it is almost easter...my first one without michael...it is still so surreal...i am going to do an easter egg hunt for my grandaughters. i just started this last year. i will miss michael being there for the hunt. he had such fun last year hiding the eggs for the girls.

Added by alaine dougherty on March 31, 2010 at 8:06am — No Comments

I need to share..

my husband died suddenly this past july 24. he was incredibly healthy. since he was an organ donor i could not do an autopsy. it would not have changed things anyway. i am always looking for ways to help me on my journey down the path of grief. 30 seconds was suggested to me by a friend...so here i am! i find that writing about my grief is incredibly helpful. it has been eight months and time just seems to be standing still. i am reading books, seeing my therapist, exercising, seeing friends… Continue

Added by alaine dougherty on March 29, 2010 at 10:46am — No Comments

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