Pam's Blog (4)

Feb 25-June 2

Awww DeeDee what has happened. I can't believe your invisble. I hear your laugh on the video. I see you talk. But I can't see , hear or talk to you. What happened.

At first we were victims of a suicide, We didn't understand. We didn't deal at all well. months later , they say no, no suicide. Now, we grieve all over again, but in a different way. What the he$$. I don't understand.

Now you may of had a heart attack. Did you know? Please tell me you just went to sleep and that you didn't… Continue

Added by Pam on June 2, 2009 at 3:57pm — No Comments

My little sister Did Not Commit Suicide

Having the police and coronor telling us it looked like suicide. Than the coroner report said nothing wrong with her. Now finally, the toxicoloy report comes back.Nothing in her system. She did not take all those pills.
Now on April 17 , she died Feb 25. We only know she is gone. No reason. No one to ask. What do you do. Say she went to sleep and never woke up. What no heart attack. No physical signs. What do you do.

Added by Pam on April 17, 2009 at 6:33pm — No Comments

it doesn't stop it doesn't get better

I'm trying so hard to make each day a day not centered around you dying.

I miss you so much.

This is a way to help me to let some of this pain out. It chokes me so deep,. That sometimes i don't think I can take a deep breath.

I've allowed your passing to become my whole life. The other things I do in the day. Are just done. Than I can come here to Legacy and work on your site.

I tell myself its to help. That once I get it to were its done i will walk in the sun. I will… Continue

Added by Pam on April 13, 2009 at 11:36pm — No Comments

Alone

The Police came to my door. I acted odd. I didn't cry. I thanked them. They left me card. The Officer who was with the coroner. The coroner.Victim services. I Thanked them and closed the door. Than I phoned my sister. She never answered. I went to tell my daughter. I drove for a hour to wake up our 83 old mother. I told her. She was her baby. Of eight children , she was her baby.

The next day I went to the funeral home. Than I went to her apartment. I saw what they had done to her… Continue

Added by Pam on March 19, 2009 at 1:03am — No Comments

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