Marta Felber's Blog (10)

Make Time for Grieving (Even if it means saying no)

It’s hard for me to say no. With the best of intentions, many people want to keep me busy. It’s their “cure” for my missing Joe. I, too, thought I must get involved, and my calendar is filled. What I really need is more time to be alone and let myself grieve.

I’m saying no to:

Potluck suppers. I don’t feel like preparing food or making small talk. I would rather stay home with a good book.

Singles groups. The members are…


Added by Marta Felber on August 11, 2009 at 4:30pm — 9 Comments

New Year's Day Can Be Any Day

Last January I was a complete washout! I allowed a disturbing telephone conversation with a family member to push me into deep depression. Any thoughts of evaluating my past year and making resolutions were abandoned. So I’ve chosen TODAY as my New Year’s Day instead. I take stock of my life.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN? I’ve been to the bottom! Those periods of deep mourning for Joe were the absolute pits. I went through it, as I knew I had to, but thank God the worst is…


Added by Marta Felber on June 1, 2009 at 4:00pm — 1 Comment

I’ll Be Seeing You (But I Know You Are Not There)

The man coming toward me on the street looked like Joe. I stood staring, my breath coming in little gasps. He was tall and thin. He even walked like Joe. He passed me at the corner. It certainly was not my husband. The tears came. What I wouldn’t give to see Joe walking toward me again!

Joe, I remember you:

Coming up the steps to the deck with an armload of firewood.

Bending over the saw in your workshop.

Sitting in your chair, hands held…


Added by Marta Felber on May 10, 2009 at 4:00pm — 2 Comments

How to Make It Through the Night

Ideas for Getting to Sleep and Surviving the Long Nights

I can pretend during the daytime that Joe is away, working outside or in his workshop. Alone for the evening meal and crawling into an empty bed confirm the worst! The loneliness for him descends like a shroud and there is no escape. What do I do to get to sleep easier? And what about those long hours in the middle of the night when I wake and can’t get back to sleep?



Added by Marta Felber on April 5, 2009 at 4:00pm — 2 Comments

Grief and Exercise: Walking ‘Down’ Times Away

What has happened to my good health habits? An inner voice keeps nagging, “You’ve got to start reclaiming your body.” I am aware of my loss of appetite, sleeplessness, fatigue, depression and low energy level. I have decided to try walking these things away. How do I get started?

FIND A WALKING FRIEND. My motivation is at zero. A partner would help. If I promise I will meet a friend at a certain time, I will do it.

START SLOWLY. I must listen to my…


Added by Marta Felber on March 3, 2009 at 4:00pm — No Comments

The Loneliness of Grief

Loneliness Is To Be Felt – Alone Time Made Better

Friends ask, “What hurts the most?” Always I answer, “Loneliness for Joe. It never goes away.” I don’t want to run from this loneliness because I know to feel it is an important part of the grieving process. But my alone time can be enriched.

Feeling My Loneliness

Don’t fight it; let the feelings come. Express aloud, on paper, physically (without hurting myself), and with tears.



Added by Marta Felber on January 18, 2009 at 4:00pm — 2 Comments

Memorials and Tributes

I want to remember Joe and the life and love we shared. I also will create memorials as tributes to the life he lived.

Memorials to Joe Their Meaning for Me
Plant a pink dogwood tree where I can see it from the kitchen. It will bloom in the early…

Added by Marta Felber on December 11, 2008 at 4:00pm — 2 Comments

I Give Myself a Hug

In the beginning there were lots of hugs, an acceptable way for people to show they cared. They no longer remember to do this and I miss Joe’s hugs even more. I guess it is up to me. I can give a hug and get one in return. Or I can simply say, “I need a hug today.”

Little "Hugs" I Can Give Myself

BREAKFAST IN BED. The bed is still warm. And who cares if a few crumbs get scattered around when I eat my toast?



Added by Marta Felber on November 12, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Celebrating Life After Loss

I Count My Blessings

Every Sunday morning our minister starts the service with an introductory phrase followed by, “So let us celebrate!” During the week, when there was something for which Joe was thankful, he would often say, “So let us celebrate,” exactly mimicking the minister’s voice and intonations. It always made me smile. I realize I have not been celebrating my blessings.

I Celebrate My:

Family… Continue

Added by Marta Felber on October 11, 2008 at 3:30pm — No Comments

My Journal Is My Friend - Always Near to “Hear” My Grief

The pain is unbearable! I put down the feelings that engulf me. They come tumbling out, faster than I can write. Some words are blotted out where tears have fallen. I write the date and time of day before each entry, giving reality to what is happening. Sometimes I write a lot, other times only a sentence or two. Always I feel some measure of relief.

Why I Write in a Journal

My journal offers a ready release. It is always with me, going in… Continue

Added by Marta Felber on September 15, 2008 at 2:30pm — 5 Comments

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