I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU I made this for my daughter...it's pictures of her and Andy over the years.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY FRIENDS This one is for…

Well it's been 6 months and 1 day now since my Andy took his last breath in this world.  It's still incredibly hard.  There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't WANT to give up and be with him.

We are also still battling the life insurance company, even lawyers...the one we *thought was handling everything I guess decided he was too busy but was even too busy to let us know until my husband finally just went to his office.  Nice huh?  Espcially since much of this is time…

I lost my oldest child and only son on January 30th.  Just over 3 short months ago.  This weekend I will face my first Mother's Day without either my son and my mom has been gone for some time now.  I feel so utterly alone!  I feel as if the rest of the world has moved on, forgotten about him and forgotten my pain.    When I express my pain I'm told that  I have to be strong because I still have a beautiful daughter and husband who need me.   This just makes me feel worse!  Now I feel guilty…

It's been 4 months now since my Andy passed on  Yet it seems like time stopped back on January 30 2012.  That is NOT a day I would have chosen for time to stop and stand still.  Why not  4 years ago?  Why doesn't time ever stop and stand still on happier times?

At the same time I can't believe it's been 4 months.  It's like I'm caught in a time bubble while the rest of the world is flying past at warp speed.    I don't know how I feel.  My emotions are like being caught up in a giant…

How many of us have heard this on one way,  shape, or form?  Or had some well meaning person tell us HOW we should grieve?  I've been through many deaths of people close to me- my parents, grandparents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, miscarriages and now the one I don't think,  no the one I KNOW I will never "get over", my first born and only son.

After wondering how anyone could possibly expect any parent, especially a mother to get over losing a child I could come to only…

Well, we went up to set up a memorial scholarship fund in Andy's name for kids at his school.  To have it in his name and be an on going scholarship we have to have $10,000 in the account.  At the moment it has just $500.  Soon it will have $2500.  The foundation will match every $2000. 

So I'm doing it...I am going to solicit pledges for each mile I can ride (keep in mind I have a painful neuro-muscular disease myself) and I'm also going to use the time on the road and the…

Andy got drafted to play football for Wabash College (offers from many others) he was suppose to play Def. End but his injury ended that dream first.

Singing with the Angels

 Dancing among the stars

 Gone from us much too soon

 Yet still living in our hearts.

I won't pretend to understand

 Why you had to go

 But God has a master plan

 This I trust and know.

So when I miss you oh so much

 Most particularly on this day

 I may shed a river of tears

 But I will think of you this way..

Singing with the Angels

 Dancing among the stars

 With Jesus up in…

My son died due to the fentanyl patch..he did notihing wrong, no medications that should not have been in his body were in his body, it was ruled accidental..I then (too late) looked it up on the internet and these patches have been responsible for many "accidental" deaths..they release too much medication into the body and kill the patient.  They have been recalled several times only to be rereleased.  Had the pharmecudical companies and the FDA not allowed this my son would still be here…

I intended to write more about my ATTEMPT to get away when I got this chance to write but that's going to wait..

People who are not animal lovers will not understand this and might as well stop here.  We lost yet another beloved family member today, one who was very close to Andy making it even more difficult to face.  Our most easy going, loving furry feline family member was struck and killed this morning.   Some would say that animals don't grieve and some dont seem to but Tucker…

I got away to the beach with a friend for a week..NOTHING HELPS!!! I don't want to BE!  I'm not saying I want to kill myself which is how everyone takes it.  It's just so painful to exist.  When I first got away it was nice.  I felt like I could breath.  We enjoyed talking, my friend was great and when we got to the ocean..well the ocean always calms me..perfect AT FIRST. But in no time at all there it was again...the pain and worst of all while I was away with just my one friend (I feel bad…

Kissed by an Angel- Why did God make lightening bugs?  My last post of the poem I got from this same page...this I found as I read further and I've actually smiled.  Felt guilty, how could I smile?  But I swear sometimes if you don't have a little laughter in your life you will go insane.  I learned that much when my mother was terminally ill..actually I grew up in a family who just often had a bad timing for humor…

"I'll lend to you for a little time, A child of mine," God said, "For you to love while she lives And mourn for when she's dead."

"It may be six or seven years Or twenty-two or three, But will you till I call her back, Take care of her for me?"

"She'll bring her charms…

This may sound crazy but I AM IN NO WAY STRONG!!!!!  Further it makes me feel like such a hypocrite when I hear friends tell me, and they are meaning it as a strong compliment I understand, that I am an amazingly strong woman, and such "compliments".  If they only knew!  It worries me that they may be getting a misconception of me as someone I'm not.  The person they are seeing is merely someone who is either silent or pleasantly agreeable simply to avoid conversation that might lead me to…

I've heard people say that emotions can be controlled.  I never believed it before and now I definitely do not.  We can choose what we do with our emotions and even that sometimes seems questionable to me

It's been almost a month since Andy passed.  That seems almost impossible.  To me I'm still going through the process of finding him, I'm not even sure I've accepted he's gone.  The Funeral is over and for so many life is back to normal and I"ve not even come close to the thought of…