Kim's Blog – January 2010 Archive (6)

Highs and lows

I went to the Dr. the other day just to find out if I was crazy or not. Sometimes I feel just even and in about a half second I can be down in the dumps. The lowest of the low. Never in my life have I ever been so low. I thought I was loosing my mind. Sometimes I found it hard to take another step or say another word it was just to hard. I don't understand all this sadness. I would love to hear his voice or see him in a dream but I know it wouldn't be enough just the one time. How am I going to… Continue

Added by Kim on January 26, 2010 at 11:05pm — No Comments

Grief

Today's subject is grief. Been thinking about this a lot lately and can't seem to get a handle on it. I just have never been so low. I know at times I feel a little normal but for the most part I am just sad. What is the proper way to grieve? I don't know. Somedays I can laugh about the silly things he done as a child and other days it kills me and brings me to tears just seeing his picture. How does one get over this. I know I have read all the grief process and seems like non apply to me. I… Continue

Added by Kim on January 22, 2010 at 7:56pm — 1 Comment

Trying

I am trying so hard to get on with things. I hung a pic my son had made for me a couple months before he was called home and I find myself missing him more. When does the heart ever stop missing him do bad u can't through the day without crying or that u don't work yourself to the ground that all u can do is fall asleep when you sit still for 5 minutes? Sometimes I feel like I am going to die. My heart races and I want to run because I miss him so bad. What do you do? Nothing seems to fit… Continue

Added by Kim on January 17, 2010 at 8:24pm — No Comments

Poem for my hero

My hero is my son, God called away.From the first breath until last,I stayed by his side, hoping and praying I could take his place. His laugh could make the angels sing. A heart of pure gold was Gods gift to him,he took what ever fate was in his way. He took it all and never complained. His last words I heard him say, I will fight all the way. God called him to heaven so cancer couldn't win his battle.

I don't think I can take this I miss him more each day and I don't know where to turn.… Continue

Added by Kim on January 10, 2010 at 12:56pm — No Comments

Feeling useless

I am a christian woman and raised my kids to be the same. I do not believe in suicide so let's get it straight. I picture Chris in Gods arms holding him and keeping him safe till I can get there but what I don't understand is why am I still here? My heart is so broken and my soul in sorrow. Most people tell me that with time things get easier but the heartake never goes away. I don't believe God's purpose for me is to live the rest of my life so miserable. Everyone is so full of advise but for… Continue

Added by Kim on January 8, 2010 at 6:53am — 2 Comments

Now what

We took my son back to where he was born and baptized in order to do a memorial service. I think it helped a little. But I still want my son back. I miss him. He was my best friend. We had to spend so much time together because of his illness it got to the place that we were all we had was each other. When he was sick you couldn't have company because he had no immune system and now he is gone. How can I go for the rest of my life and not hear his voice or see him? I don't know what to do with… Continue

Added by Kim on January 4, 2010 at 7:44pm — No Comments

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