Martin Connors's Blog – June 2011 Archive (34)

As I Mourn

Pull down the shades and draw the curtains,

Shut off the phone, lock the door; hang the black wreath

Allow me to feel the pain of my grief

Let me taste the burning salt of my angry tears


An unfinished story; pages torn and ripped out

Dented metal and a boy’s broken body

An angel wishes to escort him Home



Added by Martin Connors on June 17, 2011 at 9:30pm — No Comments

First Day of Summer Vacation

Today would be Tim's first day of summer vacation. I could see myself going to his room to wake him up and tell him that he can't sleep the summer away. Then watch Tim stagger down the stairs in a stupor to eat a bowl of cereal and then back up to take a shower. His mother and I would be talking about what to get him for his birthday next month, and of course it would be what he… Continue

Added by Martin Connors on June 17, 2011 at 11:58am — No Comments

My Tattoo

Tattoo I got for my son's memory and our relationship.

Added by Martin Connors on June 17, 2011 at 12:00am — No Comments

30 Days of Tears

Today, Thursday, June 16, 2011, will be 30 days since my Timmy was taken from me.  His high school invited us to the Freshman transition Mass, and to bring the gifts to the altar.  It was emotionally draining.  When I wake up, I go to my Tim's bedroom, hoping in vain to find him sitting on his bed playing a game or doing his homework.  I was allowed to speak to the students,… Continue

Added by Martin Connors on June 16, 2011 at 10:30pm — No Comments

Somewhere in Time: The Real Santa

Every Christmas, multitudes of parents flock to the malls to stand in line waiting to have their children photographed with Santa.  There was no difference with my family when it came to Timmy.  I had graduated from the Police Academy in June, 1998 when Timmy was just shy of his third birthday.  Since Timmy was born friends had told his mother and me…


Added by Martin Connors on June 15, 2011 at 10:30pm — No Comments

The First Feeling of Helplessness Somewhere in the Summer of 1999

I was working one day in the summer of 1999; I was on patrol with my partner.  I was a year out of the Police Academy.  In my uniformed hat I had a photo sticker of Timmy.  It was about an hour into the tour when I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  I felt as if I was about to vomit.  I didn’t know why; this was new – I never felt this acute and sudden wave of nausea.  I…


Added by Martin Connors on June 15, 2011 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Timmy's 4th Birthday and Sesame Place

Timmy’s fourth birthday is a special memory.  He was an avid fan of Sesame Street, especially Elmo, the small red furry child monster Muppet on the show.  I had scheduled my summer vacation week off around his birthday so there wouldn’t be any interference by court appearances or work.  His mother and I decided to take him Sesame Place in Langhorne.  Sesame Place is a water…


Added by Martin Connors on June 12, 2011 at 2:30am — No Comments

Timothy's Strength

 I wrote this September 12, 2001. I wrote to exorcise my demons and tribute those that sacrificed; hoping it would inspire solace all from the words of a little boy, my son Timothy.  His simple little boy wisdom was spoken from an old soul. 



Added by Martin Connors on June 9, 2011 at 12:30am — 4 Comments

Somewhere in Time -The Elderly Nieghbor and Her Trellises Door Cover

I’m sitting here on the sofa. Alone. Earlier tonight, my daughters were sitting on the neighbor’s step and I remembered when Timmy was about Alaina’s age, maybe four or five years old. There was a different neighbor living there at the time, an elderly woman that would sometimes give Timmy taffy or a chocolate. On the storm door at the time, she had a plastic trellises style cover over the screen. Timmy had sat on her step and she had come to the door and said she would be back with a treat.…


Added by Martin Connors on June 6, 2011 at 11:00pm — No Comments

May 17, 2010 Sometime after 4:10 PM Taking My Hand

I begged the nurse to take me to see him.  I begged and begged.  I was crying.


“Mister Connors, please.  They’re cleaning him up a bit for you to see him.”  The blonde nurse said.  She had tears streaming from her eyes.…


Added by Martin Connors on June 4, 2011 at 6:30pm — 1 Comment

May 17, 2011 Tuesday 4:10 PM

I’m sitting in the chair.  The doctor had just walked in, quietly shutting the door behind him. He was a young black doctor, light-medium complexioned.  For some reason, I thought he looked like Tiger Woods.  He had the grim look on his face.




Added by Martin Connors on June 3, 2011 at 10:30pm — 4 Comments

Reverse Psycology on God by a 14 Year-Old Boy

I was remembering taking Timmy to see Transformers-2 midnight show. We got to the theater too late and it was sold out. We made a mad dash to another theater and along the way Timmy kept saying "I hope it’s sold out."…


Added by Martin Connors on June 2, 2011 at 4:30am — No Comments

Watching Televison and Tim's Compassion

When Tim was an infant, there were the few weekends or the days in mid-week that I was off from work.  Gigi would feed him and I would sometimes have him lie on my chest and burp him.  Sometimes he would just fall asleep and pop his head up at the slightest sound.  On the weekends, wither it was Saturday or Sunday, Tim would lie on my chest as I rubbed his back.  I would…


Added by Martin Connors on June 1, 2011 at 3:30pm — No Comments

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