My husband's health notably got worse after a stroke about a year ago.  Although his life was spared for a while, it was obvious to both of us - although not discussed much - that he probably would not out-live me.  I had dealt with being a widow before.  He had been a widow and one day we came up with the idea of Huggy.  Near Valentine's day he bought me a huge stuffed Monkey and we named it Huggy.  Frequently he or I would hug the monkey.  The monkey was to collect all hugs and return them to the spouse that was left.

I do hug Huggie, but I switched it to the bear he had as a young man when he traveled on his truck route.  I hug it a lot, and it gives me comfort without making me sneeze as the precious pets do.  I sleep with it,hug it when I talk to my husband, and tell it good night with 3 kisses as we did a few short months ago.  We do what we do to heal, even if those outside won't understand.   

I also greet his picture each morning - and try to do so with cheerfulness.  Beneath his picture are the words "Have a nice day."  He also told me to be nice to the kiddies before I went to work in the classroom.  I want him back, but I can not do that.  I refuse to let this pain destroy me and I will continue to keep him in my mind in a  positive way, as he would have wanted.                      Frankie Younger

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Comment by Frances C Younger on July 3, 2019 at 10:17am

Hope today is a good one for you Melinda.  I have hours of weeping, and sometimes just numb emotionally.  I am not ready to be alone.  I do work a few hours a day and do have grandkids here for, it looks like, quite a while.  Hope you at least have a pet, but you might not need one.   I seem to have had some connections.  Odd things do happen.  I want to believe they are waves from my hubby.  They make me more positive, so I am at peace with that.    Love to chat with you.  Let me know if you play words with friends on fb. lol

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 2, 2019 at 10:06pm

Candice Guinn, did you raise the grandkids.  I am currently raising 2, and have an 18 year old living with me as well.  I am so sorry about your daughter.  Mine almost died, and her daughter did diin an accident.  It was a hard time.

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on July 2, 2019 at 12:51am

Frances, That was my Grandma Thomas' name, a fine name. I'm sorry your hubby left. You WILL be reunited! I lost my just turned 30 year old daughter. They had three little girls the day she left, April 9, 2010. Ages eight, seven and two. Then I lost my younger brother Doug, on September 22, 2014. He passed in a hospital in Anaheim, CA from PHA.  He has a wife and they have a very intelligent and very sweet daughter. Doug was a Respiratory Technician and his wife was a nurse.  It's been just over nine years since my Baby, my only child left us. Everyone seems to have moved on, although I KNOW she;s not forgotten, I feel alone in my pain. I realize I'm stuck in the past but I can't seem to move on. I'm an Academy Award winning actress though because no one;s the wiser. I live alone, rarely see anyone, so all is good between myself and the Lord, BTW, Candace's Spirit came to me twice. The day after she left then again almost a year later on Valentine's Day! Both times she was behind me. She rubbed both of my arms up and down twice the day after she left then almost a year later, she poked me, again from behind, on my back, up by my shoulder!!!  I think we're Spirit's having a temporary "human" experience. I believe different aspects of different religions. When I cross over it will all be perfectly clear but for now it's all unclear and hazy. I believe in God. May peace be with you.

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